JOHNS HOPKINS SUPPLEMENT "Why international relations and politics?"

Economic and Social Council Carrier After Study

The world is being torn apart by disease, war, starvation, and violence. As a citizen of the United States who is fortunate enough to have food, water, and shelter, I feel that it is my responsibility to help others less fortunate than myself. I would like to study political science and international studies at Johns Hopkins University because I feel that there are too much bureaucratic dealings behind the scenes in international politics and relations, and something must be done. These behind-the-scenes dealings not only delay aid to struggling countries, but also restrict the ability of developed countries to solve the complex issues the world faces today. A double major in International Studies and Political Science would allow me to learn how to deal with the bureaucratic connections present in the world of international politics. Johns Hopkins University would help me to prepare for a life of service in the international community, and specifically for a position at the United Nations Economic and Social Council. It has been my goal to make a difference, and it is there that I will be able to truly help improve the state of current issues such as climate change, genocide, gender issues, disease, and starvation. Enrollment in Johns Hopkins University could be the first step in achieving my dream.

Political science has intrigued me since I was very young, listening to my father and grandfather's discussions of the daily news. These conversations piqued my interest, and, as a third grader, I began to read the newspaper. Elections, laws, controversies, issues, and the power to make a difference in society. Ever since the third grade, I have always viewed a career in political science as a strong possibility because it so closely correlates with my desire to change the world for the better because, as a private citizen, there is only so much we can do. Although we all have the right to assemble, draw a petition, and replace our leaders if given probable cause, the politicians have the true power to make an improvement in the human condition. It is one of my dreams to join them and truly make a difference.

The interdisciplinary nature of the International Studies major at Johns Hopkins will prepare me for a successful career working for the Economic and Social Council. Although I have studied Spanish, Latin, Italian, and English, the three year foreign language requirement will allow me to enhance my communication skills further, possibly with the addition of German or Mandarin Chinese to my foreign language repertoire. In addition, the exposure of students to different cultures through the required five semester history courses will help to gain a further understanding of the traditions of other cultures that I may not have been previously exposed to. The foreign language and history requirements, along with the economics requirement, leave many options open for life after college, one of which hopefully will include a job at the Economic and Social Council.

There are a multitude of serious issues facing our world today. What will we do without petroleum? How do we stop the spread of nuclear proliferation? Can we cure HIV and AIDS? My goal in life is to impact one of these issues for the better, and a major in either international relations, political science, or both is my calling.

Thank you for your comments in advance!

The last sentence is a little awkward. In the first paragraph you talk about your aspirations/goals, the second you talk about a specific program that the JSU (which is exactly what they want to hear, good job!) and then the third paragraph you go back to your goals/ aspirations. I think you should switch the 2nd and 3rd paragraph to make it flow more.

Can you help me too? Please read my personal essay, i really need criticism.

Thanks for your feedback on my essay :)

I like the start of your essay because it easily captured my attention. As I read on, I found myself drifting to something else because I got so much information from you here and there. You need to make your essay more concise. Although you seem to know what you want to do and the path you want to take, you should focus on one thing. It confuses the readers as we are getting facts here about you knowing this many languages and then all of a sudden you talk about wanting to be involved in politics.