'journalism student found me' - this to 150 words----Greatest Accomplishment

Prompt:
In which of your accomplishments during high school do you take the greatest pride?

I don't feel like I answered this in a direct manner.

I have won many awards, but my greatest accomplishment is my Glaucoma Awareness project, which led me to an appearance on local television in the ninth grade.

I spoke to my Interact club sponsor and inquired whether it was possible to distribute flyers that contained information about the disease to every teacher in the school. When January----Glaucoma Awareness Month---rolled around, I ensured that my message was delivered to every teacher's mailbox.

Later, a journalism student found me, and asked whether I would like appear on the school's Friday-morning show. I agreed. That afternoon, after the taping, she mentioned, "I'm a teen reporter for WCTV, and I was wondering...would you like to be on the show for this?" I was shocked, but said yes. Two weeks later, I saw my own shining face on the six o' clock news.

After the program, many people called me or spoke to me in person to tell me that they felt a little more informed about the disease. I was glad my message was getting beyond my classmates and teachers. But the real sign that I had made a difference came when one of my dad's colleagues was experiencing visual difficulties and wanted to read the flyer. At that instant, I knew that this project was more than just talk---it was one of the best things I had ever done.

You don't need to say "I have won many awards" just skip to My greatest accomplishment is... Also you don't need to say it led to an appearance on local television because you go on saying that anyway.

When January - Glaucoma Awareness - Month is enough - Not to sure on this grammatically but 3 is too many.

Take more about the disease and what you wanted to accomplish instead of being on the news.

I have won many awards, but my greatest accomplishment is my Glaucoma Awareness project, which led me to an appearance on local television in the ninth grade.

Cool!!

I spoke to my Interact Club sponsor and inquired about whether it was possible to distribute flyers that contained information about the disease to every teacher in the school.

...

Later, a journalism student found me and asked whether I would like appear on the school's Friday-morning show. I agreed.

Nope, I think you did indeed answer the prompt in a direct manner. Now you can improve it by telling how this accomplishment relates to your plans for the future -- your future as a student at this college to which you are applying, and then as a professional later in life.

All right...I edited it, but it's still 210 words.

Revised:

My greatest accomplishment in high school is my Glaucoma Awareness project---and how I was able to spread my message about this disease throughout my community.

I spoke to my Interact Club sponsor and inquired whether it was possible to distribute flyers that contained information about glaucoma---which causes blindness because of too much fluid buildup in the eye----- to every teacher in the school.

Later, a journalism student found me and asked whether I would like appear on our school's Friday-morning show. I agreed. After the taping, she mentioned, "I'm a teen reporter for WCTV...would you like to be on the show for this?" I was shocked, but said yes. Two weeks later, I saw my own shining face on the six o' clock news.

Broadcasting this message did not stem from my own desires for fame. It stemmed from the fact that I suffer from this disease, and am determined to find a cure for it one day. For now, my role is to learn all I can about the sciences to treat it, and spread the word to those at risk for developing it. Letting my entire area see me on television was a sign that I was beginning to make a difference.

You could take out or greatly condense the following to sentences:
Later, a journalism student found me and asked whether I would like appear on our school's Friday-morning show. I agreed.

I was shocked, but said yes. Two weeks later, I saw my own shining face on the six o' clock news.

and go straight from one or two (at most) sentences about being on TV, broadcasting to the last paragraph