Journey full of obstacles and surprises; TRANSFER-Cornell,U Miami,NYU&American U.

Hello,

This is my statement for the common app. Well, I do not like my work at all because i think it is missing something essential, but I do not know what. I would appreciate any comments or ideas to improve it. I am having a hard time writing this because I really want to include my passion for the fashion world, but I feel like, my schools are going to think that FIT suits me better. I like to express my creativity, but i am also passionate about economics, finance, business management, etc.

Please provide a statement (appr. 250-500 words) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.
My mother worked on marketing campaigns and promoted flower arrangements to the clients at a local flower shop in Cochabamba. When I was nine, she taught me techniques in selling different flower arrangements for a variety of clients. I believe the beauty of creating and offering something meaningful to people made an impact on me: it changed how I interpreted the world. I spent hours working on the flower arrangements, helping with the beautiful and lovely bridal campaigns, and crushing numbers for clients' budgets until my mom and me fell asleep there. Regardless of my age, I loved what I was doing. I knew that I wanted to pursue a career that I would take the best of me. Since then, I knew that I wanted to work in the world of business.

Going to college represents a journey full of obstacles and surprises. It takes time and courage to determine the options for a path that has its roots based on dreams and opportunities. As a community college student, I see it that way. Even though half of my way sees its end, I still need to finish the last steps. As my love for business grows, I hope to gain more knowledge about the complexity of the business world as well as I desire find more resources to fortify and cultivate my skills and creativity. At the same time, I want to be able to expand my experience in a place where they prepare you to take risks and challenges. I hope that after I complete my degree, I can demonstrate my talent to the world by innovating and creating in different fields.

I believe that it does not matter where I go; it matters where I end up. The world offers me unlimited chances and possibilities; the world is there for me to make my destiny, and I hope to achieve more than a simple degree or be an ordinary member of an alumni body. I have ambitious dreams and want to be a woman who not only represents her country, in which not many women have the right to be called successful, but in fact, I want t also represent respect, determination, and admiration

that was rather much better than what you said about your creativity... you have brought to light avery beautiful perspective and made a lovely impression... and the passion that your mother taught was a very breathtaking sensation for me... thats best :) to be precise... i loved that...

My mother was involved with marketing campaigns of a local flower shop in Cochabamba to promote their flower arrangements to a bigger clientele.


So, I was just nine when I learned from her the techniques of selling different floral arrangements to different customer segments.


.... this sentence has some grammar issues;
I enjoy the feeling of meaningful creativeness that makes people happy and contented.

Nice and sincerely written essay. Perhaps you can write a more dynamic hook statement to engage and entice the intended audience. Good job!

Hi good job. It was very sincere. Perhaps you can make your hook statement more dynamic that acts solely to entice and draw in your audience. It doesn't seem to have enough energy. Otherwise well done.