In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
Lao Tzu, a Chinese Taoist Philosopher, once said, "The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." Stepping out of my mom's car, approaching the grey, fenced, colossal building where I'd be spending my next four years of schooling was over-whelming. But step by step, mile by mile, overcoming obstacles, and conquering my fears I'd be able to reach the light at the end of the tunnel.
Mile marker 25 - 9th grade, English 1, quarter essays worth twenty-five grades, I just didn't know what to do anymore. The first two quarters, the essays caused my grade to drop drastically. Awaiting my third quarter grade, the same product turned out. The teacher never explained her grading. As an immature 9th grader, looking for the result of my recent constant failure, I complained. The last quarter essay was one of your choice, ready to give it all I had, sat down, took at my two sharpened pencils and wiped the sweat off my face. Awaiting my result, the teacher stood in the front of the class and said, "I was very disappointed in this class, no one put forth their full potential, except one, Elias Davis, achieving the only A."
Mile marker 350 - I was embarrassed, wearing a short little speedo that exposed my pail legs, thought everyone was going to laugh at me. As a beginner, I was placed on the B-team, where all the rookie swimmers were. Within a few days, I was the fastest throughout the novices, able to move on to the big league, where the fastest swimmer was going to be in the next Olympics. Month after month my legs got stronger, my strokes improved, and practice had perfected all my skills in the water. District championships was just two weeks off, and the pressure to get my times to make the cuts boiled my thoughts with fear. There was only one more spot open, my event, the 200 freestyle individual event, but there was another kid that did it at the same time as me. So who would get the spot? Who would end up going to district championships and who would end up staying home? A time trial race was the only way to find out who had a faster time. The next day at practice coach Ann called Evan, the other kid competing for the spot, and I. Adjusting goggles, stepping onto the block, the coach stood behind our blocks and screamed, "on your marks, get set, go." Ranked in the top ten from thirty swimmers in my event, Morgan Markman, a senior swimmer on my team, cheering me on as I finished, "Good job Eli, amazing performance."
Life is like a tunnel with an illuminating light that engraves the feeling of accomplishment, with over occurring obstacles that need to be surpassed to reach one's eternal goal. Those feelings of accomplishment are inscribed in the day-to-day life I live, continuing the things I do, to someday reach the light at the end of the tunnel.
I WROTE IT THINKING ABOUT A PROMPT TOPIC TALKING ABOUT AN EXPERIANCE SO I GUESS IT COULD BE THIS ONE~! I HAVENT TOUCHED ANYTHING ABOUT UF YET THOUGH! KEEEPP THAT IN MINDDD< PLEASE HELP ME OUT AND CHECK MY OTHER TWO ESSAYS OUTTTT!THANKYOUUU
light at the end of the tunnel.
Let's replace these words with something that is not a cliche. This is the most important part of the whole essay... it should express the idea beautifully.
short little speedo that exposed my pail legs,
and I th ought everyone was going to laugh at me.
Capitalize: ...and screamed, "On your marks, get ...
Again, at the end, light at the end of the tunnel is not a good theme. Sorry to criticize it, ha ha, but I think you can make a better one.
:-)
