'journey on the wrong foot' - Common App topic 1 - major achievement

Common Application
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faces and its impact on you.
My most memorable experience was definitely winning the first place award at the 2012 Trinidad and Tobago National Music Festival, at which point I had been playing the saxophone for about three and a half years, considerably shorter than some of my competitors and I was also at the lower end of my age category as I was 16 in a 16-19 category.

But this accomplishment did not come easy; rather it was a long process requiring focus and determination. Mastering a musical instrument is no easy task since it involves endless practicing to develop proper technique and to become comfortable playing the instrument in front of crowd. I have had several performances previously where I would continually "squeak" and I would be upset because to me it was a bad performance, even if other persons did not agree. But these experiences also encouraged me to strive to be better because, what good is it to keep on performing if you are never going to sound pleasurable. It just wouldn't make sense.

I started off the journey on the wrong foot all together, not being ready for the preliminaries and only starting to seriously practice the piece about two days before. But after getting into the finals I knew that I had to put in more effort so that I could go out and put on my best performance. Focus, determination, concentration and consistency was what allowed me to lift up my own standard of the piece in technique but what really got the judges attention was the emotion that they felt through the music and that is something that cannot be learnt but can be well interpreted when a piece is well studied. Once you commit to something seriously you must be able to find some aspect of your practice that you can improve on and that is the basis by which I was able to improve, addressing each small challenge one step at a time.

Failure allows for development and growth, because each failure identifies an area for improvement, reminding us of where we would not like to be and therefore motivating us to work harder towards achieving our specific goals. This is the lesson that I have learnt firsthand from my experience. It is not necessarily about the end result but more emphasis should be placed on the "journey" because if I can replicate the process, then the positive results should follow.

I believe that the process alluded to above will help me in my university life, whether it is in relation to my core program in mathematics or in the other extra -curricular areas that make for an all-round university education. I am of the firm belief that if I approach my broader goals by simply trying to do my best with respect to each immediate task, then step by step, I will be able to overcome any challenge no matter how lofty.

is it possible that i can get some feedback please

I did not get a clear sense of what exactly was your significant experience? You write on the leadup and then the judges attention on your emotion something that cannot be learnt but can be well interpreted when a piece is well studied. [b]

What did you actually do that made this your best performance? Did you win? What did you play?

Failure allows for development and growth, because each failure identifies an area for improvement, reminding us of where we would not like to be and therefore motivating us to work harder towards achieving our specific goals. [b]This is the lesson that I have learnt firsthand from my experience. It is not necessarily about the end result but more emphasis should be placed on the "journey" because if I can replicate the process, then the positive results should follow. I DON'T GET WHAT WAS THE LESSON? HOW DID YOU FAIL? YOU WRITE NOTHING ON THAT. ALSO, WHAT WAS THE JOURNEY BESIDES HARD WORK AND DEDICATION? WHAT PROCESS WILL YOU REPLICATE?