Beyond your impressive academic credentials and extracurricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful?
"Get over it." As a child, I adhered to this bittersweet piece of advice given to me by my older sister, and have followed it for nearly ten years. This became my motto in life. Any fear, self doubt, or anxiety vanished with these three words. This approach may appear to be somewhat cynical, but it is more of a motivational factor that has pushed away all hurdles in my path.
Jump! Hurry up! Come down! This was the first time I heeded my sister's advice. As my neighbors shouted at me to jump off the tree I miraculously climbed, I froze. My knees locked up and my vision blurred behind tears. My nine year old body would surely be dismantled if I fell, but I knew I had to get down one way or the other. My grip tightened around the branch so hard the pine needles broke off. After a short mental debate with my sense of reasoning, I decided to simply get over it. Fear of falling had cornered me into this predicament and I figured it wasn't worth being feared. So I jumped. After that incident, a couple of bruised knees and scraped palms could not hold me back. My fear of heights was gone and that mentality transferred into every aspect of my life. In 2003, I was troubled when my family moved and I had to leave everything behind to start over. After an awful first day as the new kid in the fourth grade, I held on to my motto and got over it. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and made the best out of my new life. Five years later, I anxiously waited for the first day of high school. Receiving my acceptance letter into the specialty center at Cosby was the proudest moment of my eighteen years, as well as the most nerve-wrecking. My mind was clouded with negativity about not going to my home school and starting over in a place where I knew no one. Again, my motto helped me make the decision to accept submission into that school, a decision that set in motion the domino effect that led me to where I am today. My personal uniqueness is centered around my positive mindset. This characteristic is not necessarily difficult to attain, yet many people lack it. I do not make the mistake of underestimating the value of a positive outlook. There is a tremendous different between those who cry over a sprained wrist and those who shrug and move along. I could have spent the last four years ignoring piles of homework and sleeping in class, but I didn't. Yes, being in the specialty center and taking advanced classes entailed a great amount of extra effort but, just like everything else, I got over it. I knew all along that if I wanted to be the best of the best, then I would do what it took to get me there. There is no need to trouble the mind with thoughts of how, when, or why. I learned to go through each day with my goal in sight, and each day I move a bit closer. Plain and simple.
Jump! Hurry up! Come down! This was the first time I heeded my sister's advice.
Change to:
"Jump! Hurry up! Come down!" It was the first time I heeded my sister's advice.This approach may appear to be somewhat cynical, but it is more of a motivational factor that has pushed away all hurdles in my path.
I really liked this sentence! However, maybe you could make it more descriptive by saying
but it has been more of a motivational factor that has helped me leap over all hurdles in my path.In general, maybe try reading your essay out loud to yourself as there are some slightly awkward phrasings in sentences and a few very minor grammar discrepancies, but other than that I really liked your essay and think you did a great job! Your conclusion has a really strong message, and you did a good job of making your response personal. Good luck! (:
I think this essay is very good. Not only did you achieve your goal of showing yourself as a positive person ( a trait I believe is admired by ANY college ) but you execute it in a manner that is humble and appropriate. Nice work :)
One structural advice would be to remind the readers of your trait earlier in the essay somehow rather in the mid-end. At first I thought your uniqueness was about overcoming your fear of heights until I finished the rest of the essay.
Regards,
i agree with the above posters' critiques!
your essay is great, and it certainly answers the question very well. GREAT JOB!
if you have a chance, please check out my princeton essay.
Look, it seems like you took this opportunity to praise yourself
But the propt asks for uniqueness and colorfulness, so you should
not describe the things you did in so much detail, but elaborate on how it makes you different.
Also I do not know about the best of the best part, many people want to be the best of the best, so it does not make
you special.
Tryto focus more on "I do not make the mistake of underestimating the value of a positive outlook."
and elaborating on that.
By the way, would you like to check out my essay?
