"To keep or not keep?" common app essay question (a significant experience)

Hello, this is my first thread posted. I would like if someone could look at my essay and provide me some much needed feedback. Thank you very much. :)

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

"What should I do with it?" my eyes growing wild as anxiety and terror flooded me.
"Keep it! No one will know!" my friends chanted, whispering excitedly at my discovery.
The twenty dollar bill burned in my hand. I couldn't keep this. Maybe if it was just a dollar or a quarter then it wouldn't be that horrendous, but an entire twenty dollars wouldn't be morally right.

What should I have done? All my life, my mother had told me that I needed to do the right thing, no matter if it went against everyone else. And for most of my life, I had done just that. I avoided the parties that I knew would have alcohol at them and avoided dramatic situations. I tried to be the moral voice of reason in my friend's lives. So what would my mother say now that my brain really had wanted to keep this twenty?

I stepped away from my friend's declaration to keep the money. The person who lost this money clearly didn't know it fell out of their pockets and if I went and made an announcement some dishonest person would come and try to claim the money. I sighed heavily, rubbing my forehead. I placed the money in my pocket and warily went to my counselor asking for advice.

My counselor laughed at my conflict and suggested that perhaps I just give the money to charity. I slapped my forehead. Of course I could give it to charity! I got up and thanked him. As I left, I realized that life hands us the strangest situations that have so many paths. How we handled them however, is what truly defines our character. I could have easily kept the money and no would be the wiser, but what would that have said about me as person? Many of my friends had suggested I should have kept the money and if I had listened to them that would suggest that my personality is defined by others and I lacked the confidence in making my own decisions. But I knew that I was completely the opposite of those things; I was a person who radiated self-confidence and tried to always do the right thing even if it displeased the others around me.

When I placed the money in the drop box at the Humane Society, Robert Frost's poem The Road Less Traveled By and realized how perfectly they seemed to fit this situation. "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

This is pretty good. However, the story reads fake to me. The whole idea about seeking counseling about finding $20 and then realizing that you could give it to charity is a little strange and cheesy.

Also, I feel like you dwell on two ideas:
1) Morality
2) Overcoming peer pressure

You need to pick one. One strong focus is better than two weaker focuses.

My advice to you is to make the story more truthful and a little quirky. The quirkiness is going to make you stand out.

Good luck :)

I really don't find the two "ideas" ralph stated too conflicting. The peer pressure idea is resolved quickly and doesn't overpower your personality trait of being the voice of reason. The way that it reads like a story is good and the poem at the end sums it up very well. The hook at the beginning is amazing as well; making the reader wonder what the situation could be. The only thing i would change is combining the 2nd and 3rd paragraph since they both talk about your decision. (The "went to my counselor" line can be left in that paragraph too since it works as a transition)

Good writing, but i think it would make for a stronger ending if you bring back a thought from the beginning. That should tie the whole thing together better for more effect.