The 'why us' kind of question, Lehigh Essay # 1

Hi,
This is the first essay Lehigh requires, the 'why us' kind of question. I am, of course, open to any comments, and my english is definitely not as good as a native, so any help would be appreciated.

and I am about 1500 characters, so I would need to cut it down a it as well.. yes an i am a UWC student, its a totally international place studying the IB diploma.

When trying to vision my undergraduate years, I realize how the experience will be the foundation to my growth and future, academically and non-academically. After doing research among many universities, I found Lehigh a place I could comfortably pursue my goals.

I am astounded by the student to faculty ratio of 9:1, giving a great opportunity for a close relationship with professors and students inside classrooms; personally I am not comfortable or focused in large classes. The fact that my courses do to have to be devoted to only one department it reassuring, I would definitely want to continue my studies in economics after high school. Lab work was not taken very seriously back home in Iran, which I disapprove. In UWC, my IB physics teacher really encouraged me to take a practical approach at physics and since then I have understood physics much better. I believe the wide research activity range at Lehigh increases the potential for a deeper understanding by a great extent.

I am satisfied with the student population and diversity and I believe that my experience with international students in UWC and a previously attended international summer camp will help me to interact with students. The size and beauty of the campus is more than I ask for, and I would prefer to live in a local atmosphere of Philadelphia and New York than anywhere else, since I have lived in New York for some months.

Overall I believe I will gain very good knowledge and experiences at Lehigh and will try my best to contribute as much back to the community.

After doing research among many universities.
After doing research on many universities.

The fact that my courses do to have to be devoted to only one department it reassuring,

The sentence is not clear and errs in grammar.You are using some inappropriate words like "I would prefer"
"Astounded"
I am satisfied with the student population-you are satisfied? why? you should be happy or excited about the student population because it's a great mix people with diverse backgrounds.

"The size and beauty of the campus is more than I ask for, and I would prefer to live in a local atmosphere of Philadelphia and New York than anywhere else, since I have lived in New York for some months."

If you are short on words,why are you wasting them on describing the aesthetic beauty NY.

Hey, thanks alot. Yea some of the mistakes made are just me not revising, like this one


its actually supposed to be : "...do not have to be devoted to only one department is reassuring" .

well, I actually don't like big populations. I love diversity, but not big population. But that doesnt sound good to them, does it?

can anyone tell me whether this is pleasing enough, and what should i add or take away?

When trying to envision my...

I don;t think it is very strong to say it is a "comfortable place to pursue your goals." It might be better to say it is better than the other options available you you, and then list a few reasons why it is better. That'll let the reader know exactly what your plan is all about.

I am astounded by the student to faculty ratio of 9:1, which gives a great opportunity for a close relationship with professors and students inside classrooms; personally, I am not as comfortable or focused in large classes. The fact that my courses do to have to be devoted to only one department is reassuring, I would definitely want to continue my studies in economics after high school.

You really do write as well as many native speakers of English. Many people do not learn to write so thoughtfully or eloquently. Your mistakes are only small ones.

Please, give comments about anything you think could be better, i wont hesitate to do the same for you.

Thank you Kevin!
Here is the revised version, which looks completely different :P

The administration at Lehigh strives to strengthen the community through initiatives such as the Council for Equity and Community and the GSCI. Lehigh has a special understanding of diversity; a community where race or culture does not make the difference; individuals do.

I do not doubt that the P.C. Rossin College is one of the most prestigious engineering schools in the world, a student to faculty ratio of 9:1, wide range of courses and highly competent faculty. Rossin College has a reputation for its student's achievements and post-graduate employment. The emphasis on collaborative research combined with excellent facilities and supports such as the STEM program, opens doors to scientific exploration.

While I prepare myself for a fresh start at Lehigh, I hope to maintain a stable balance between my experiences and my contributions. I will with my full potential involve myself in many programs and take the lead for many more. I wish to find my role models and also be a role model.

WOW your revised version is looking a LOOOT better than your initial essay. More specific, better flow and grammar, it's great.

However, i do find the last sentence rather random.

cheers! =)

Hey! Thanks for editing mine!

After reading your essay, I realize you must have done a lot of research on this college! that's great colleges love to see that you're putting a great amount of effort into knowing about their college and you sure have done it in this essay. The revised essay looks great cant find any grammar mistake and following after what the last guy said maybe you want to connect the last two sentences as you finish with leading and start with being a role model. If you connect those two it might not be so random.

one more thing if you could help again :)

this link is my NYU supplements. they're very short and I just want a hand with reading through them and seeing if they flow and answer the prompt and show who i am. And if there are any minor grammar details please note them down! THANKS!!!