"I knew that I belonged" - Why Brown?

Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply?

As soon as I stepped foot on Brown's campus, I knew that I belonged. The campus was charming and pretty, the tour guides were intelligent and funny, the information session, revealing. But to me, the unique educational experience that Brown offers is its most appealing aspect. The undergraduates' ability to choose courses based on their ideas of challenge, interest, and intellectual development without being forced to meet traditional 'core' requirements is special and very attractive. Furthermore, the ability of the undergraduates to obtain their uniquely designed education while learning from extremely knowledgeable professors, such as Mark Blyth or Michael Kennedy, is something I truely desire. This opportunity is something that only Brown offers, and therefore is the major influence in my decision to apply.

Thanks for your help!

Structure is a off in this sentence. Each section (campus, tour guides, information session) is phrased differently

The campus, unique in its Providence surroundings, was.. <- use of commas
The tour guides were intelligent and funny <- no comma
the information session, revealing <- comma but no 'was' or 'were' like the previous sentence.


personally don't think its a good idea to write something like this.


"But to me", is a better way to start.

Try and make it more personal. They know about their educational program. But why is it special to you?

*belonged here

*something only true scholars desire
i would remove this sentence. it seems like you're trying to please the adcoms.

overall, i like the essay! to make it stronger, make it more personal. show, not tell :)

I suggest that you write it in a more personal tone and try to relate to yourself. The essay is a bit general.

Hope my suggestion helps.

and the information session was revealing.

As soon as I stepped foot on Brown's campus, I knew that I belonged You can pretty much combine this and the next sentence. Brevity is your friend. Also: the campid was pretty? You want to go to a college because the campus is pretty? Best to not make this your first reason and only mention it in passing. Also pretty is a weak word. "As soon as I stepped foot on Brown's pictaresque campus, I knew that I belonger there.". While the campus was charming, the students and tourguides lively, and the information session convincing, it was a bigger reason that made Brown my number one.The campus was charming and pretty, the tour guides were intelligent and funny, the information session, revealing. Dont start with but. In many cases, its okay but it sounds awk here. Just say it: The unique educational...But to me, the unique educational experience that Brown offers is its most appealing aspect. Directness pleaseee. Just say it: Undergraduates can choose couses that challenge them and cover a wide scope of their interests and abilities. There's no enforced core, though student still earn a superior education from extremely knowledgable professors. The undergraduates' ability to choose courses based on their ideas of challenge, interest, and intellectual development without being forced to meet traditional 'core' requirements is special and very attractive. Furthermore, the ability of the undergraduates to obtain their uniquely designed education while learning from extremely knowledgeable professors, such asStart a new sentence here (if you're gonna use my edits.) "Mark Blyth and Michael Kennedy are just two examples of such professors, both the top in their careers. Mark Blyth or Michael Kennedy, is something I truely desirestop saying you "desire" the college, it sounds sooo corny and like your're lusting after it.. ThisTHESE OPPORTUNITIES, offered only by Brown, are what attracted me to apply to the school. opportunity is something that only Brown offers, and therefore is the major influence in my decision to apply.

Please go over my brown supp in return! Equal ferocity/harshness please!

Thank you so much nritya! I really needed that :)

"it was a bigger reason that made Brown my number one" I dont understand what you mean by "it". Is "it" Brown's picturesque campus or the fact that you knew you belonged there?And I think it should be "the bigger reason", since your sentence structure seems to imply that "it" was known already.

It's actually pretty good! :) Maybe you could fix the tenses a little bit? Otherwise you should be ready to go with that essay!

Maybe change "it" to "there"?

yeah looking back, I think it should be "...the information session convincing, there was a bigger reason behind my decision to choose Brown."

sounds wayyy better.