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'Krakow, Poland + Computing and Engineering' - essay school homework

akmenik 1 / -  
Dec 15, 2011   #1
Can you correct this essays it's my homework for English teacher. Please fast.

Tell us about the neighborhood you grew up in and how it helped shape you into the kind of person you are today:

My name is Konrad. I live in Poland, Krakow, very old city in eastern Europe. Now I am going to oldest High school in my country. Since my childhood I have been ambitious person in Primary school I was finalist of math challenge. It was really great. Since this time I have known that I will study science. Next I went to 3 years junior high school, I finished it with one of the best results, and I could go to one of the best High school in my city. I have learned English like second language since I was eight years old. I was young constructor fist I was using Lego to build cars, building, parts of the city. Next I started making plastics models of planes. My dream was to be pilot, but it is not possible because of my eye sight defect. Few years ago I have started making radio control boats. I played ice hockey for 7 years but I have to end, because In my country sport is not promote as much as in United states of North America and It was impossible to reconcile trainings with my school lesson. I chose school because team 'CRACOVIA' in my city don't want to train players because easier is to buy the from foreign countries. In that case I haven't got any prospects to become professional player it will be some kind of lottery but I have too much to lose. It was very important lesson for me that it's not possible to have everything in life. Now I know that it was first decision but not last. I also love skiing if I have any possibility I go to slope and skiing It is for me great experience. I feel really free. During everyday life everyone have to choose from two or more possibilities. My parents have had small firm since I was thirteen years old. Every summer holidays I help my parents with their business. When I was young I help them with some office work. Since I have driving license I am searching new ways to buy and sell scrap. Company like that help to save our planet, and I think waste segregation is one of the most thing which people should do. I realize there that making money giving a lot of happiness. Last year I saw that it is good idea to buy some electronic scrap via internet. I started use allegro.pl (similar website to ebay.com) to buy this scrap. This month I've started making website where everyone from Poland can sell electronic scrap. It will be great if it work correctly and help to improve my parents Company. Every experiences about I write above have huge influence on me. Now I am person who now what should be important for everyone. I know that hard work it is way to big good at everything, to swap dreams into reality. I am trying to not only learn school subject. Now I will continuing my childhood passions. I have clearly designed goals. I know That I should think about my future, and nobody will do it for me.

about 2800 character should i write more limit is 5000, maybe some ideas

Computing and Engineering are common spheres of our life. When we are using car, computer and another devices we meet with technology. I am interested in attending Georgia tech because it have one of the best undergraduate engineering program. My passion is wind and solar power. School of Electrical and Computer Engineering can give me opportunity to take part in research programs . It is supported by many industry sponsors. It will give me good perspectives for future because I think the most important is practical knowledge, not only theoretical. I see my attendance at Georgia Tech as a way for me to aggrandize my knowledge, to utilize my talent, and to obtain a studious, yet satiable experience. I'm looking to all aspects of university life, in particular I hope to join to Solar Jackets and help them win American Solar Challenge . I hope I will study for a masters in Engineering and I am certain my degree choice is the right decision for my future goals.

950 characters

hs61 1 / 5  
Dec 15, 2011   #2
In your first piece you have a lot of short simple sentences, maybe try combining them to be more complex and give a variety to your writing. I know the piece is about you, but try rewording the sentences so not every sentence includes "my" or "I".

please take a look at my essay!

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