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Kutztown University Essay-Academic Preparation and Cultural Diversity

Kimayu 5 / 25  
Sep 5, 2010   #1
Please type on a separate page an essay explaining how you have prepared academically for university and how you will contribute to cultural diversity at Kutztown University.

Learning about Malaysia

I have been interested in pursuing my studies in Kutztown University since the beginning of my high school. I have taken rigorous subjects in school to prepare me well for my pre-medical studies in this brilliant university. I have always been a dedicated student, working diligently to always make sure that I am the top of my class. I have taken a variety of challenging classes in high school as to reach my fullest potential in high school.

Due to my immense appreciation and interest in the Science subjects, I have taken part in numerous competitions. One of them would be when I was selected to represent my state for the National Science Challenge in Malaysia. I was required to conduct a research and do a presentation in front of well known university lecturers in Malaysia. The one week there pushed me out of my comfort zone and made me strive forward to complete my research. There were moments where some of the results of the research was not accurate. However, I never gave up and made sure I scrutinized every detail of the research so that I would be able to explain it in my presentation .My determination and persistence paid off when I managed to secure fifth place in the competition.

Coming from a multicultural country such as Malaysia, diversity is a large part of my life and always has been. In high school, I was elected as the Head Prefect of my school which requires me to interact and work closely with students of other races. After my high school, I was given an opportunity to embark on a cultural exchange program to the United States. During the first few days of high school in America, one of the questions that caught me off guard was "Is Malaysia in Africa?" Didn't they realize that Malaysia is in Asia? With that in mind, I felt like it would be important for me to share some of my culture with my American friends. As a former exchange student who has had the golden opportunity of literally interacting beyond borders, I realize the importance of tolerance and appreciating the differences.

Through this experience, I believe that I can be an effective cultural ambassador of my country, teaching the students of Kutztown University about Malaysia and its traditions. My exposure to new ideas, insights and cross-cultural experiences will enable me to foster a better understanding between the American students and other international students here . To Kutztown University, I am able to bring knowledge of diversity and an attitude of acceptance.

I would appreciate any feedback.Thank you!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Sep 7, 2010   #2
The first sentence is not very interesting. It could be written in a way that is unique and reflects your theme for this essay. What is the concept that can be the theme for this essay so that it is memorable?

What would someone say if I asked them to describe what this essay was about? If you use a memorable theme, it will cause people to remember and think of the essay fondly. Know what I mean?

...at this brilliant university

The first para has 2 sentences about the classes you took in high school. The last sentence of the first para has high school written twice when it does not need to. Try revising that first paragraph this way:

Write an interesting sentence to express a theme.
Write about rigorous classes in high school because of your longstanding interest in this school.
Write a sentence about your current interests within the field of medicine.
Write a thesis statement that includes your theme and main idea for the whole essay, and then start paragraph 2.

As you revise, make sure each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that helps to prove your thesis statement.

OP Kimayu 5 / 25  
Sep 9, 2010   #3
Thanks for the comments Kevin.I'll work on the essay. I have a question.Since I am supposed to talk about my academic preparation and how I can contribute to the university's cultural diversity, should there be two themes?

Thank you.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Sep 11, 2010   #4
Well, you can have many themes, but in order to make the most powerful impact on the reader's mind and memory, your themes should take the form of a Bull's Eye --- concentric circles. Do you know what I mean? Two major themes can be two aspects of one grand idea, which is the idea that represents you in the reader's mind.

My two themes might be a dedication to teaching and a dedication to health & alleviating suffering. Health and education combine to make my central theme, which is to share knowledge that alleviates suffering.

Your themes can blend like colors of paint to form a new color that is all your own.

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