This is the first draft. How's the idea?
Back to 2 years ago I often heard people saying" How nice you are able to speak three languages!" I was a little bit proud of this but didn't really understand its value. For me, all the learning of language was just took up for the sake of living environment of school course requisition. And I did nothing related to these skills.
The view that I see language only as a "skill" changed after I attend a formal dinner party and played as translator between Japanese visitors and Chinese students. Overcame my shyness of speaking in front of 200 guests, I made a welcome speech in Japanese. That was an activity between high schools in different nations, and I played as one of the core part during all the conversation. Not only did I interpret the talk between Chinese and Japanese, but also I introduced both culture to everybody. The greatness of the Forbidden Palace, the magnificent of Great Wall and the unique atmosphere in Beijing's HuTong attracted those foreigners as the beautiful FUJI scenery intrigued us Chinese. I felt magically satisfied when everybody got to know better about a country. The dinner party turned out to be a big success and the president told me she is so proud of the night.
And I strongly realized the function of language. It reduces the gap between different cultures, enlarges culture's influence. It also bring people's mind closer, like I still kept the address of friends I meet on that night. I appreciate the charisma of language for its function as the core of borderless communication, for its wonderful effect on some fields such as writing and theatre performance.
From then on I start to notice every chance I could contribute to the communication by language like being my mom's company's translator of business meeting and starting a pool among foreign visitors in the Forbidden City. As language could be a means of improving the environment we rely on, I consider pursue my goals in this colorful field.
Your idea may be good, however the frequent misuse of grammar and frequent use of trite phrases distracted me from the overall theme of the essay. Improve those, because those stand out more than the central idea.
1-Grammar needs work
2-It is good to make a point, and even better to develop it. But developing a point with trite phrases and then just rambling on bores readers, such as myself.
Right, and the numerous grammatical errors undercut your assertion that you are proficient in all three languages.
Yep, you need to clean up your grammar and style. Here is a start for you:
Before: "The view that I see language only as a "skill" changed after I attend a formal dinner party and played as translator between Japanese visitors and Chinese students
After: "My view of being multilingual changed after I attended a formal dinner party and acted as a translator between Japanese visitors and Chinese students"
Back to 2 years ago I often heard people saying" How nice you are able to speak three languages!"
^I would spell out 2 as two. At least my teachers told me to do that.
And I did nothing related to these skills.
^This seems like a fragmented sentence. I wouldn't start a sentence with "and."
Overcame my shyness of speaking in front of 200 guests, I made a welcome speech in Japanese.
^The verb tense is wrong. Change it to overcoming.
I felt magically satisfied when everybody got to know better about a country.
^This doesn't sound right. Consider rewording it.
The dinner party turned out to be a big success and the president told me she is so proud of the night.
There are two different verb tenses here, I would change "is" to "was."
And I strongly realized the function of language.
^I wouldn't start a sentence with and. Try using "Before long I..."
Other than grammatical mistakes which were already mentioned by other readers, this is a very interesting and original essay.
Thank you for all ideas!
Here is my revised essay. Is it getting better?
Back to two years ago I often heard people saying" How nice you are able to speak three languages!" I was a little bit proud of this but didn't really understand its value. For me, all the learning of language was just took up for the sake of living environment of school course requisition.
My view of being multilingual changed after I attended a formal dinner party and acted as a translator between Japanese visitors and Chinese students. Overcoming my shyness of speaking in front of 200 guests, I made a welcome speech in Japanese. That was an activity between high schools in different nations, and I played as one of the core part during all the conversation. I interpret the talk between Chinese and Japanese and introduced both culture to everybody. The greatness of the Forbidden Palace, the magnificent of Great Wall and the unique atmosphere in Beijing's HuTong attracted those foreigners as well as the beautiful FUJI scenery intrigued us Chinese. The dinner party turned out to be a big success and the president told me she was so proud of the night. What's more, the excitement I saw on everybody's face also enlightened my idea on communication.
Communication which is mainly consisted of language and understanding reduces the gap between different cultures. It appears in every corner in society such as making friends, working in groups, advertising goods. It brings people's mind closer, like I still kept the address of friends I meet on that night. I appreciate the charisma of language on catching people's mind, the core function of boundless communication.
From then on I start to notice every chance I could apply my language in communication like being my mom's company's translator of business meeting and starting a pool among foreign visitors in the Forbidden City. I start to study French Art Movies, take on oil painting, designing patterns. As communication attracts me through varieties ways such as language, advertising and designing, I consider trance my interest in Purdue University and pursue my goals in this intriguing field.
For me, all the learning of language was just took up for the sake of living environment of school course requisition
=> To me, language learning was just for the sake of completing the course prerequisite.
