Please help me edit and give me some suggestions! I am a little bit over word limit as well (211words). If you could help me cut it down, that would be great! Thank you
*Explain how you responded to a significant challenge that you have encountered and what you learned in the process. (maximum 200 words)
Throughout my high school years, I have been a consistent honour roll student due to my competitive personality. However, it was not until my penultimate year of high school, did I truly realize the root of the meaning: "Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration" -T. Edison.
The shock is still fresh in my mind; the moment I held with trembling hands, my ultrasound report. "Large paratubal cysts. 25cm (right) and 15cm (left) respectively. Possibility of malignity is unknown". Within a few minutes, my mother decided to bring me to Taiwan, where she could find a competent surgeon as this surgery could determine my life. Despite my reluctance to abandon my studies, I left for Taiwan, understanding that health is above everything even if this leave of unknown duration will significantly and negatively affect my grades.
As I am writing this, it has been a month and I have returned from a successful surgery. To my surprise, I managed to pull my grades up and conquer the academic disadvantages I face through self-determination and efficient time management. After this epiphany, I am confident that my dedication will put me above others in the competitive Bachelor of Science Program.
Throughout my high school years, I have been a consistent honor roll student, due to my competitive personality.
However, it was not until my penultimate ---I'm pretty sure that hardly anyone will know this word. I think you should write 'senior', if it was your last year.
The shock is still fresh in my mind; the moment I held with trembling hands, the report of my ultrasound.
Within a few minutes, my mother decided to bring me to Taiwan, where she could find a competent surgeon as this surgery could determine my life.
As I am writing this, it has been a month since I have returned from a successful surgery.
Thus I am confident that my dedication will put me above the others in the Bachelor of Science Program.
I'm not so sure the last part sounds very nice, but I know what you mean. Good luck with school!
:)
However, it was not until my penultimate year of high school that I truly realized the root of the expression , "Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration"...
This is a very strong essay. It will be great if you can capture the main idea of your essay in a single sentence, a short sentence, and add that sentence to the end of the first paragraph. That is like sharpening your sword. If you can express the main idea of the essay in a single sentence at the end of the first paragraph you will leave a strong impression on the reader.
:-)
