Last Minute Common App Essay - "my band"

Looking back at my life I can honestly say that I have truly grown and matured immensely throughout the years. Growing up as a kid I had never really developed a strong social personality that I have now. To say the least I used to be very shy and lacked the self-confidence required to express myself in front of my peers. Overcoming my shyness was one of the most important challenges in my life and also one of the major steps towards my personal development. In order to achieve this goal I needed some sort of instrument or outlet to aid me in overcoming this obstacle. In this case my outlet was music.

On my thirteenth birthday my parents had gotten me a guitar for my birthday. At first I was skeptical for I had never touched a musical instrument in my life but after strumming a few random notes I began to pick up the instrument that was rather unfamiliar to me pretty quickly. Soon enough I learned how to read tablature and began to play popular songs that were being aired on the radio. What had started out as a simple hobby began to transition into a passion.

Eventually I decided to form a band with one of my close friends from school. After having many jam sessions together we decided to play at our school's battle of the bands. When the night of the show had finally arrived I became so nervous that I began to stutter. Once I got up on stage with my guitar strapped around my neck my nerves suddenly calmed down as I started to play the first few notes of the song. It felt as if I were a whole new person as I had successfully overcome my shyness in front of a live audience. I figured that at the time I was able to feel comfortable expressing myself because I was doing something that I loved to do. At the end of the night my band ended up winning second place but more importantly I had transformed myself into a confident young man.

USe a comma:

To say the least, I used to be very shy and lacked the self-confidence required to express myself in front of my peers.

It felt as if I were a whole new person, because I had successfully overcome my shyness in front of a live audience.

Angela made all the other corrections.

Good luck with your music! It might just be the most important thing!! For your writing, use commas like a rest note.

:)