"It's never too late to change" ; TRANSFER -UTexas at Austin- SOP

Hello everyone I need some critique on my statement of purpose essay (still unfinished). Your feedback is very important to me so feel free to say whatever necessary.

Prompt:

Statement of Purpose

Here's what I have so far:

It's a common expression for one to say "it's never too late to change." It is by human nature to change so that one can determine their path in life. A person's path in life is never predetermined though, it is chosen by the will to be great in a life where discovery is everlasting. Through self-discovery comes this change everyone refers to, and this is a revolution I have partaken in. Senior year of high school I decided to devote myself to the field of economics because this is where I knew my greatness lied. Deciding to turn to a degree in economics was a change for the better as it would provide me with the necessary skills to understand the system we know as this world and to better it.

Senior year of high school: the year everyone looks forward to, right? Wrong on my account. Little did I know that I would be moving from my hometown in Nevada all the way down south to the heart of Texas before my senior year. I was furious; my whole life I had grown up in Nevada and now I was in Texas before the big year. Tempers flared and I told myself I would do my best to pass this year and leave as soon as possible to attend the school I was set on at the time, Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University. Engineering, specifically aerospace engineering, was what I had believed to be my career. Coming into the Engineering & Technologies Academy at my high school had me even further convinced me that I was set for this prospect. Anyways, the first semester had passed and I received a letter of acceptance to ERAU along with a large scholarship. What should've been a happy ending was just not meant to be. My stubbornness to abdicate from Texas had made me so arrogant that I didn't even think of applying to any schools here. And to make matters worse ERAU was a private school with high tuition costs, so even with an enormous scholarship I still would have to defer to loans which was something I couldn't put on my single mother raising three kids. I was in shock and thought all my options were forgone. Fate came knocking when I was required to take an economics course because of the Texas curriculum. I felt that economics was just one of those courses I had to take because I had no outside knowledge, notions or even assumptions on the matter. As soon as I acquired skills in economics and discovered its true meaning I realized that this was the change I needed. Sure I could've retained my interest in engineering, but economics was much more fascinating and felt like a better fit. Through my journey of discovering economics gave me the disciplinary measures I needed to attain my path in life. I realized that when life brings down, you have to get back up, move on, and make the best of your situation, otherwise you'll get left behind. Instead of making the same mistake of telling myself to run away from my problems, I knew I had to take action so that I wouldn't suffer the consequences. I wanted to succeed, and where better to do that than the University of Texas at Austin.

It's not crap! Thanks for your explanation! Okay, you should definitely make it more clear that you're currently at the community college. Maybe say something like since you realized ERAU wouldn't work out you decided to go to the community college. And that's when you took the economics course then right? It makes much more sense now. I was thinking you were currently at ERAU and wanted to transfer to UT so that's what I was referring to to change to present tense, but don't worry about it now. I think it will be great once you add the community college part. If you want, post it again when you finish!

" I wanted to succeed, and where better to do that than the University of Texas at Austin."
If you know more information about the Econ program at UT I would definitely add that in there and why the school/program is a perfect match to what you want to achieve.

I also attended a lecture by well-known economist Larry Summers (former president of Harvard), who greatly influenced my decision to major in economics. Where should I place this in the essay?

I really like your essay! Here are some quick suggestions:

I lack a lot of background information about you, so I am going base off of what I am reading here. I assume you decided to attend ERAU. Is the high cost and major the issues? If yes, those are perfectly reasonable reasons to transfer, but I recommend focusing on one.

Where did you take this economics course?

Here is the big question: have you come around to Texas? What during your senior year changed your mind about being in Texas? This will be the big question and answering it tactfully will be key!

Good luck!
Help me with my Brown Transfer Supplement??

Lol everyone who read this essay thinks I went to Riddle (I guess I have to make it clear that I didn't). I attended a community college in Texas and am planning to transfer for the fall semester. I took an economics course senior year which was the initial incentive that made me want to major in it. I took another economics course at the CC and attended a lecture by Larry Summers (prestigious economist) which further cemented my choice to change majors (which I should incorporate in my essay).

Thanks for your response! I'll be sure to look at your essay for your Brown transfer. Good luck!

In my opinion, this does not add much value to your SOP. The admission guys need to know you better. This fact is well implied by the prompt. So, you should be the subject of this statement and you need to talk about yourself otherwise they know nothing about you. They need to know you as a person; how your passion developed for your major, your purpose in graduate study, area of study in which you wish to specialize, what you aim to do in future with this learning etc. etc. :)

Thank you dumi, I need to change my intro and my conclusion.

Is there anything I should change in my second and third paragraph?

I plan on adding more personal aspects that strengthened my drive to major in economics such as attending Larry Summer's (prestigious economist) economics lecture and my present microeconomics course.

.... you better express what profession you are really eyeing on, be specific because it would sound that you are pursuing a definite goal.


Well... your writing seems alright. Only thing is that you need to improve your tone to make it more appealing. Add more emotions and feelings :)


I'd suggest that you start telling them how your passion developed and then how you pursued it. At that point you can tell them about your credentials and experience. Then tell them what you expect to achieve at UT Austin and how it's contributing to your short and long term goals.