I would prefer feedback on the content as opposed to the grammar. I need a personal statement that demonstrates why I belong at law school because as the essay states, my grades and test scores are average. Thanks =)
Prompt: The Law School respects the personal goals, life experiences, and varied educational backgrounds that students bring to Drake. In order for us to make the best admission decision, we need the most useful information about you. We are interested in any facts about yourself you think are significant, including work experience and community interest, but especially evidence of leadership ability, maturity, motivation, independent thinking, and the ability to relate to other persons and groups. Please include a separate statement with your application which does not exceed two typewritten pages.
My paper:
Average. On paper, I've always been considered average. A middle class, white female who was raised by a good Catholic family in a quaint Midwestern town is what a synopsis of my brief life would show. My hometown's newspaper called me an average softball pitcher, I had average high school grades, and my test scores are average, as well as my undergraduate grades. These careful calculations and statistic based judgments and scores have never once in my life adequately demonstrated who I am, and I refuse to let them define me. Who I am, my identity, is anything but average. On paper I am just another girl looking to continue her education and make a life for herself, but I am far from who I appear to be on paper. No length of pages, no amount of words could show the experiences I've had in only the last four years or the qualities that define me as above average. In high school I was only a young girl continuously searching for my place in the world and striving to discover the beliefs and principles I identified with.
I was so lost in a sea of high school popularity contests and rejection that I found myself choosing an undergraduate school based upon where I didn't want to be rather than picking a school because of what that school could offer me. That's how I ended up going to Kennesaw State University, which is 700 miles away from everything I've ever known; my family, friends and small town life. I can't say how many times I called my parents begging for them to either buy me a plane ticket home or let me come back to Illinois, live in the basement and attend the university in my hometown. But I didn't give up. I would be lying if I claimed to have a single moment when became determined to stay in Georgia and finish what I had begun. Not a week passes that I don't contemplate the decision I made four years ago or desperately miss my family. It's been hard, but my experiences have helped me to discover who I am and what I believe. I have learned how to make a decision based upon my beliefs rather than the popular beliefs of society, which in the South is an accomplishment of its own. It is these experiences and self-discoveries that have resulted from the risks I've taken and followed through to the end that make me above average.
One of the most overwhelmingly rewarding experiences that I've had is becoming a founding sister of the Beta Zeta Chapter of the Alpha Omicron Pi Fraternity. Sophomore year I had the privilege of being selected as one of almost one hundred young women to carry on a legacy that was established in 1897. My fellow sisters saw something special in me and I was the first elected philanthropy chair of the Beta Zeta chapter. This position provided many unexpected rewards, one of which being my continuous work with the Arthritis Foundation of Atlanta. Alpha Omicron Pi's philanthropy is Juvenile Arthritis, which affects children all over the world. During my term I worked closely with the Arthritis Foundation, developing community service opportunities for my sorority sisters and securing donations, and I also planned Beta Zeta's First Annual "Toss Out Arthritis" Corn Hole Tournament. As a senior, I am proud to say that we are currently preparing for our third annual tournament. Not only that but I advocated for our chapter to use recruitment as a way for young women, not even in a sorority yet, to give back. We were able to donate over 100 pairs of swimming goggles, because swimming is preferred activity for children with severe arthritis, and almost as many stuffed panda bears to be given to children at the annual Juvenile Arthritis Conference. It is through accomplishments like this that I learned the value in selfless actions and community service.
My experience as the Beta Zeta philanthropic chair is also what made me aware of my profuse need to help other people. While this realization took many years, looking back at my childhood I was two things: audaciously curious and compassionate towards the people and things around me. I was the girl who befriended the loners and asked my precious father question after question about the world around me. This is where my interest in the study of law rapidly increased. I find that laws can be concrete while also being subjective; an idea that allows for many conclusions rather than a definitive answer. The desire to learn as much as I possibly can in my short time here fuels my passion of the critiquing and studying the legal system. Not only that but I want to positively impact other's lives in such a way that they desire to seek a change. From a young age I believed I could change the world. Somewhere in the midst of my teenage years I lost sight of my power to rise above average and go beyond my expected potential. Leaving my childhood in Illinois to pursue higher education in Georgia was one of the hardest decisions I've made, but I would do it again in a minute.
Prompt: The Law School respects the personal goals, life experiences, and varied educational backgrounds that students bring to Drake. In order for us to make the best admission decision, we need the most useful information about you. We are interested in any facts about yourself you think are significant, including work experience and community interest, but especially evidence of leadership ability, maturity, motivation, independent thinking, and the ability to relate to other persons and groups. Please include a separate statement with your application which does not exceed two typewritten pages.
My paper:
Average. On paper, I've always been considered average. A middle class, white female who was raised by a good Catholic family in a quaint Midwestern town is what a synopsis of my brief life would show. My hometown's newspaper called me an average softball pitcher, I had average high school grades, and my test scores are average, as well as my undergraduate grades. These careful calculations and statistic based judgments and scores have never once in my life adequately demonstrated who I am, and I refuse to let them define me. Who I am, my identity, is anything but average. On paper I am just another girl looking to continue her education and make a life for herself, but I am far from who I appear to be on paper. No length of pages, no amount of words could show the experiences I've had in only the last four years or the qualities that define me as above average. In high school I was only a young girl continuously searching for my place in the world and striving to discover the beliefs and principles I identified with.
I was so lost in a sea of high school popularity contests and rejection that I found myself choosing an undergraduate school based upon where I didn't want to be rather than picking a school because of what that school could offer me. That's how I ended up going to Kennesaw State University, which is 700 miles away from everything I've ever known; my family, friends and small town life. I can't say how many times I called my parents begging for them to either buy me a plane ticket home or let me come back to Illinois, live in the basement and attend the university in my hometown. But I didn't give up. I would be lying if I claimed to have a single moment when became determined to stay in Georgia and finish what I had begun. Not a week passes that I don't contemplate the decision I made four years ago or desperately miss my family. It's been hard, but my experiences have helped me to discover who I am and what I believe. I have learned how to make a decision based upon my beliefs rather than the popular beliefs of society, which in the South is an accomplishment of its own. It is these experiences and self-discoveries that have resulted from the risks I've taken and followed through to the end that make me above average.
One of the most overwhelmingly rewarding experiences that I've had is becoming a founding sister of the Beta Zeta Chapter of the Alpha Omicron Pi Fraternity. Sophomore year I had the privilege of being selected as one of almost one hundred young women to carry on a legacy that was established in 1897. My fellow sisters saw something special in me and I was the first elected philanthropy chair of the Beta Zeta chapter. This position provided many unexpected rewards, one of which being my continuous work with the Arthritis Foundation of Atlanta. Alpha Omicron Pi's philanthropy is Juvenile Arthritis, which affects children all over the world. During my term I worked closely with the Arthritis Foundation, developing community service opportunities for my sorority sisters and securing donations, and I also planned Beta Zeta's First Annual "Toss Out Arthritis" Corn Hole Tournament. As a senior, I am proud to say that we are currently preparing for our third annual tournament. Not only that but I advocated for our chapter to use recruitment as a way for young women, not even in a sorority yet, to give back. We were able to donate over 100 pairs of swimming goggles, because swimming is preferred activity for children with severe arthritis, and almost as many stuffed panda bears to be given to children at the annual Juvenile Arthritis Conference. It is through accomplishments like this that I learned the value in selfless actions and community service.
My experience as the Beta Zeta philanthropic chair is also what made me aware of my profuse need to help other people. While this realization took many years, looking back at my childhood I was two things: audaciously curious and compassionate towards the people and things around me. I was the girl who befriended the loners and asked my precious father question after question about the world around me. This is where my interest in the study of law rapidly increased. I find that laws can be concrete while also being subjective; an idea that allows for many conclusions rather than a definitive answer. The desire to learn as much as I possibly can in my short time here fuels my passion of the critiquing and studying the legal system. Not only that but I want to positively impact other's lives in such a way that they desire to seek a change. From a young age I believed I could change the world. Somewhere in the midst of my teenage years I lost sight of my power to rise above average and go beyond my expected potential. Leaving my childhood in Illinois to pursue higher education in Georgia was one of the hardest decisions I've made, but I would do it again in a minute.