I learned about Barnard College when my sister was waitlisted there; Barnard Supp

Hello! I'm new to essayforum and need someone to critique my barnard supplement
crticisms would be appreciated!

1.How did you first learn about Barnard College and what factors have influenced your decision to apply? Why do you think the College would be a good match for you?

I learned about Barnard College when my sister was waitlisted there. Through research and visiting the school, Barnard has the community, curriculum, and location. Whether I take dance at Barnard Hall, exercise at the Dodge Fitness Center, or study at library, I am entitled to be me. The historical campus traditions such as the Midnight Breakfast and the sisterhood love students have towards each other allows me to distinguish myself from others and pursue my own interests and expectations. Hearing the fascinating stories of Barnard women motivates me to fulfill my duty to be a real woman. Having the privilege to experience the Nine Ways of Knowing and do a research study on a desired interest brings me incredible arrays of opportunities and rewards. While it is important to be balanced academically, it is just as important to be balanced personally and at Barnard, I can face the world with confidence and knowledge in one hand, and my heart in the other. (1000 characters)

.... this is an incomplete sentence : (

Well ... I think you can present this answer in a more interesting way. Tell them what type of person you are; what you want to do; what are your aspirations. Then tell how well Barnard fits with all these things. Always have yourself in the middle because they are interested knowing about you.

I like it alot