'Learned from family and Indian community' - UVA Supplement essay

Hi I would love it if you checked for content and grammer-related errors; I would also like it if you checked to see if I have a contrete structure and message.

Prompt: Describe the world you come from and how that world shaped who you are.

The world I was born in has shaped me into what I am today. When I was very young, my grandmother used to tell me stories of our culture and religion. From those stories I learned that it is morally right to be stand up for what you believe in and be honest and alone, rather than to be dishonest with yourself to simply 'fit in' with the crowd. As a result, I always stand up for what I believe it and try to choose my friends wisely; I choose my friends based on our similarities and belief. When I was in Chicago, I was born into a Indian family in the Indian parts of the city. As a result, I learned not only from my family, but also from the community that the most important value a person can possess is to have respect for elders. I still remember a incident when I was in 5th grade and guests came over to my house, I forgot to touch their feet and receive their blessings, as soon as the guests left, my mom ripped my homework and hit me on the palm of my hand with a spatula. With tears in my eyes, I yelled at my mom that she could not do this - I was wrong - I had forgotten my family's Indian culture. My mom was a teacher in India and she had hit countless students palms if they showed even a hint of disrespect and I didn't get any exception. I learned from that incident to always show respect to elders even if I disagree with them and to always respect one's culture. My family and community have shaped me to become the adult I am today.

Good evening :)

Please see my comments in your previous posts in regards to mechanical corrections. Avoid using the pronoun "you" in formal academic writing; instead, try using "me," "I," or "one."

In regards to the content of this piece, I'm not really sure that your opening sentence is an appropriate fit for the rest of the essay. You claim that the world has shaped you, but continue on to discuss your family and close community. I suggest reworking the introductory sentence so that it is more appropriate for the rest of the work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com