If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
Although I have overcome a number of common obstacles in life; it was not until October of 2009 that I truly learned the meaning of the word "endurance". That month, my whole life changed the day my father was laid off. Although I had hear plenty about the recession in the media and from friends, it had not yet affected me personally, and I felt almost immune to its effects.
The first couple of months were the most difficult; with no income to pay for it, my parents soon defaulted on the mortgage. My parents soon had to apply for welfare in order for us to get by. By now, my family's situation had begun to take the toll on us. My parent's relationship began to struggle, and even worse, my grades began to take a dip. I suddenly became disinterested in most things that were important to me before. Yet, the climax of the year's difficulties did not occur until December. Although my father attempted to negotiate a deal with the bank, our house was soon repossessed, and we had to begin renting. The same happened to our family car, only three days later.
Strangely enough however, it was those events that strengthened us the most. With Christmas rolling around the corner, my parents and I decided that from then on, we would work, as a family, to create a better future. That small relief motivated me to resurrect my falling grades. Soon, after almost nine months of hardship, my parents were making enough on their own to pay for the necessities. Although we are still not at the level of finance we were in before, the experience has toughened me to the effects of a dropping economy and strained family life. I feel confident the future will continue to allow my family and me to prosper.
I would just mention how your hardships have motivated you to certain goals (the college really likes to hear that you have long term and short term goals) Try to be a bit more specific of these goals. Otherwise, your paper is very well written, you sound intelligent, and your personality shows. I think the topic you chose is a good one, because it is something the reader can understand and relate to, as well as feel empathy. I wish you luck in school!