'learned from my research' - LMU My Supplement essay.

Hello everyone, I'm applying to LMU and I wrote my personal essay, but got a little stuck with the supplement essays. I was wondering if someone can give me advice how to improve my essay. Thank you

1 Your reasons for wishing to attend LMU.

Several reasons have shaped my rationale as to why I deem LMU the perfect match for me.
From what I have learned from my research LMU provides its students with great learning environment. Ensuring that every student excees in their chosen field of study.

Also,one of the things that grabbed me immediately was the indescribable beauty of the campus.The wonderful architecrure and the sence of community were enough to help me understand that I don't need to look anymore. The location of LMU is another attracrion to apply to this extraordinary university. I'm considering a major in Movie and Television Production and the fact that LMU is in the heard of this industry left me with no hesitation. I'm sure that, LMU will offer me a well-rounded edication and enable me to expand my thought and creativity proces.

I think that you should give more examples that are unique to you, in order to best answer the question.
Explain what interests you have the align with campus activities and programs.
"Sense of community" is a little cliche. You could mention how you look forward to joining clubs associated with your major.
Say how the major you want is ideally taught at the university.
Mention your future goals (short term and long term)
Say how this college will help you attain the skills you need to advance in the career of your choice.
If this college is located in a city, mention how many opportunities for networking and jobs there are in the city.
Do a spelling check.

If you come up with a new draft you can post it in this thread, and I will read it for you, I hope this helps you :) Good luck in school!