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"Learning more about business" - Bentley University Supplement


achavez18 1 / -  
Jan 13, 2010   #1
The fact that Bentley University is one of the most preeminent business schools appealed to me and helped me decide that I would be applying to Bentley due to the numerous opportunities the university could present me with. Learning more about business is one of my personal goals that I wish to fulfill at whichever college I attend, and I believe that Bentley is highly regarded in the area of business and would help me greatly in achieving both my personal goals and academic aspirations. The environment and the fact that I will be in an entire new city will help prepare me for the real world because being on a campus such as Bentley's makes the college experience more invigorating for me since it's unique and new to me since I have lived in New York City my entire life. Going out on my own, although Massachusetts is not that far from New York, is something I felt I needed to include in my decision for colleges I wanted to apply to and Bentley helps me fulfill that personal goal of mine. Academically, I believe Bentley has the classes for the areas I wish to learn about such as media, psychology, and business. Knowing that the class size is less than 30 also leads me to believe that each students gains the right amount of attention from the professors and that it helps us as students do better as we are able to get help with whatever problems we have, which makes my academic weaknesses that much easier to cope with. In conclusion, Bentley University fits all my requirements and I hope I fit all their requirements in order to be accepted because Bentley University is a great institution that I would love to be a part of so that I can be prepared both academically and socially for the real world.

The Supplement has to maintain 1000 characters, and I am having trouble deciding what's vital and what is unimportant to include. Can someone help me out please?
DSG 2 / 5  
Jan 13, 2010   #2
hi,

my suggestion is:
1) try to eliminate everything evident saving space for vital info about you and your reasons to apply, e.g.

"...and that it helps us as students do better as we are able to get help with whatever problems we have, which makes my academic weaknesses that much easier to cope with." - it is a consequence of small classes and you may well stop the idea after the word "professors". your essay won't lose necessary info

2) if everything else is vital, may play with formulating sentences: deleting articles, rephrasing, etc. Not the best solution, but works in case you need space for ideas

best
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 18, 2010   #3
That first sentence has too much going on. I think you should just say:
The fact that Bentley University is one of the most preeminent business schools appealed to me, and as I researched this school I discovered and helped me decide that I would be applying to Bentley due to the numerous opportunities the university could present me with available to me.

having trouble deciding what's vital and what is unimportant to include.

List the things you tell the reader. Only include the significant things. Choose the 3 most important. Write a sentence about each. Strategically, it is tough to try to get a reader to retain more than three things. Let the reader see how serious you are about Bentley and the opportunities you will take advantage of. Be specific.

:-)


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