"to become a successful accountant" - Bentley Supplement

Question: Please discuss your interest in Bentley and the aspects of our community that will help you reach your academic and personal goals.

Corrections and Tips would be great!

Answer:My main reason in wanting attending Bentley University is to become a successful accountant. Ever since i could remember, i witnessed my mother enter the field of accountanty from start to present . Her journey has truly become an inspiration for me in which i believe i can achieve one day. I was privileged enough to have an interesting conversation with one of my mothers closest friend, in which he spoke about how much the educational environment at Bentley impacted on his life. I wish to only participate in this environment in which Bentley University will truly provide.By attending Bentley University, i believe i will understand the true meaning of what it means to be an accountant. Since Bentley University is solemnly considered for educational factors in business, i believe it is safe to say Bentley is for me.

My main reason in wanting to attend Bentley University is to become a successful accountant.

field of accountancy from start to present

one of my mother's closest friend

environment at Bentley impacted on-remove this his life

i believe i will understand the true meaning of being an accountant

I am not an expert, just trying to help...hehehe feel free to correct me if im wrong :)

Haha no you are are correct. I like run on sentences too much.

This is a bad intro. You should make sure every sentence carries some intrigue, some special concept. All this sentence accomplishes is telling the reader your intended major.

By attending Bentley University, I believe I will understand the truth about what it means to be an accountant.---I simplified this a little.

You should type this again and make the corrections suggested by Mark. You still have some grammar errors. If you type it again below, we will look to see if you corrected them. :-)

I think you essay is too general. You should give some specific examples to make the essay more attractive, like in what way your mother influenced you? what impact did the friend had? How did this impact influenced his future development? In your essay, now I can almost see nothing, just common description. It can neither show your accounting ability nor the significant influence of your family and friends. I think you should really make it specific and add more details. But it's up to you~~