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Learning from your challenges in life!


Aliehs13 1 / 4  
Jan 24, 2014   #1
Explain how you responded to a significant challenge that you have encountered and what you learned in the process. (Max 200 words) this is my entrance essay.

Please help with any grammar mistakes or anything that needs improvements! Thanks in advance!!

"You're up next." The three words that gives me chills and turn my legs into jelly. I knew what was coming: presenting a speech to my peers. As I slowly make my way up to the stand, my legs trembled, I stuttered as I spoke, and soon my face became red. Public speaking was the challenge I can not defeat.

After a few mortifying speeches later, I've had enough, it was time I step up and overcome this challenge. I started practicing in my room. Then the day came: a three minute speech in class. I waited anxiously, I noticed some of my peers were nervous by their body language, something I've never noticed before. I was next. I made my way up as my legs trembled, but this time my stuttering was under control and my face wasn't red. I spoked with more confidence; a huge improvement compared to my first speech.

Public speaking was a difficult obstacle to overcome. I have learned to be more confident and that the best way to overcome my fear was to face them which enabled me to grow as an individual.

(199 words)

fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jan 24, 2014   #2
The three words that gives me chills and turn my legs into jelly

does the subject is refer to 'three words'? So, it will be correct if you use give instead of 'gives' as a verb

I was next

this sentence is too short, better you enter this phrase in another sentence and make them in one sentence
sebasthian - / 1  
Jan 24, 2014   #3
The three words that gives me chills and turn my legs into jelly.

you don't need to put "and" because you've put "that" as a clause.
you can use clause to combine 2 sentences into 1 sentence. so, you may delete "that" or "and".

As I slowly make my way up to the stand, my legs trembled, I stuttered as I spoke, and soon my face became red.

make balance between present tense and past tense.

Public speaking was the challenge I can not defeat.

i think "can not" is a misspelling. the true is "cannot".

After a few mortifying speeches later, I've had enough, it was time I step up and overcome this challenge. I started practicing in my room.

similar correction. balance between past and present tense.

I noticed some of my peers were nervous by their body language

their body languages

I spoked with more confidence; a huge improvement compared to my first speech.

spoked?

and that the best way to overcome my fear was to face them which enabled me to grow as an individual.

i think "that" is the subject, and "the best way" is the object, so you must put "verb" between them.

them? who?
OP Aliehs13 1 / 4  
Jan 24, 2014   #4
I revised my essay, is it any better or is the topic okay? Thank you
"You're up next." These three words give me chills and turn my legs into jelly. I knew what was coming: presenting a speech to my peers. As I slowly made my way up to the stand, my legs trembled, I stuttered as I spoke, and soon my face became red. Public speaking was the challenge I couldn't simply win. After continuous failed speeches, I got devastated with myself. I wondered how I could over come this issue. I started practicing in my room. Then the day came: a three minute speech in class. I waited anxiously, I noticed some of my peers were nervous by their body language, something I've never noticed before. I was next. I made my way up as my legs trembled, but this time my stuttering was under control and my face wasn't red. I spoke with more confidence; a huge improvement compared to my first speech.

Public speaking was a difficult obstacle to overcome. I have learned to be more confident and that facing my fears is the best way to overcome it which enabled me to grow as an individual.
OP Aliehs13 1 / 4  
Jan 25, 2014   #5
Perspective changed/overcoming challenges - entrance essays.

Can you guys tell me what you think of my entrance essays? And any help in grammar is greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance!
Tell us about an experience, in school or out, that cause you to change or rethink your perspective. What impact has this had on you? (Max 200 words)

This school year, I volunteered for the International Human Rights Day Student Symposium, an event which explored issues of human rights violations during World War II in Asia. During my free time, I sat in and listened to a presentation about the Nanking Massacre. I was aware of the event, but never thought too much of it. After the presentation was over, I couldn't believe the atrocities committed against the Nanking people. The presentation caused me to rethink my life, from what I can't do, to how I can make a change. The Human Rights Symposium impacted me greatly. I left feeling motivated and hungry for a change. The following week, I began to attend my Global Issues club more frequently and take it more seriously. I wanted to bring awareness of problems are generation is currently facing to educate everyone. This way, we can all do something to make a difference and prevent a repeat of the past. I know the past can't be changed, but I'm determined to make a difference today so those currently suffering in silence around the world will have a better future.

Explain how you responded to a significant challenge that you have encountered and what you learned in the process. (Max 200 words)
"You're up next." These three words give me chills and turn my legs into jelly. I knew what was coming: presenting a speech in front of my peers. As I slowly made my way up to the stand, my legs trembled, I stuttered as I spoke, and soon my face became red. Public speaking was the challenge I couldn't simply win. After continuous failed speeches, I got devastated with myself. I wondered how I could over come this issue. I started practicing in my room. Then the day came: a three minute speech in class. I waited anxiously, I noticed some of my peers were nervous by their body language, something I've never noticed before. I was next. I made my way up as my legs trembled, but this time my stuttering was under control and my face wasn't red. I spoke with more confidence; a huge improvement compared to my first speech. Public speaking was a difficult obstacle to overcome. I have learned to be more confident and that facing my fears is the best way to overcome it which enabled me to grow as an individual.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 26, 2014   #6
This school year, I volunteered for the International Human Rights Day Student Symposium, an event which explored issues of human rights violations during World War II in Asia

This year I had the opportunity to volunteer for the International Human Rights Day Student Symposium, an event that explored issues of human rights violations during World War II in Asia.

During my free time, I sat in and listened to a presentation about the Nanking Massacre.. I was aware of the event, but never thought too much of it.

During my free time I watched the presentation on Nanking Massacre, an event I had only heard of, but didn't have my knowledge in depth.


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