"In a concise narrative, describe your notion of 'the good life'. How will your undergraduate experience at the University of Florida prepare you to live 'the good life'?"
I am very pressed on whether or not I have sufficiently addressed the topic or not. Please criticize my essay.
As I finished writing the final spelling word that my teacher announced, I was met with mixed feelings of both triumph and disgust. Triumphant because it was my first time ever finishing a spelling test without being five words behind; but disgusted because I knew that most of the words I tried to spell were more likely than not incorrect. My teacher then started going down the list: "Who has one wrong? ...Two wrong? ...Thirty wrong..." I never had the courage to raise my hand. Humiliation was something I feared more than the dark, spiders, or my mother's cooking. When I entered the fifth grade, my peers were condescending towards me, considering my understanding of the English language was very limited. What I was doing in a class with higher-level students like that, I do not know. However, I do know that their presence taught me what determination was. Instead of giving up, I recognized and persevered through my academic hardships. I started studying unbeknownst to my teacher, my classmates, or to my parents. At first, the results were unsatisfactory, it was as if there was no change at all. But all good things must take time. Even though at times I was ready to quit studying and give up, even then I understood the importance of having resolve. Gradually, my test results improved to the point where I was comfortable enough to raise my hand with the others. I still remember the look on my teacher's face when she first saw my hand raised, as stoic and proudly erected like the American flag atop Iwo Jima. I was taken aback with the amount of praise she gave to me; to the point where I was visibly embarrassed. "My word, John! You only missed three! I'm so proud of you!" Hearing those words from her gave me a feeling of such unknown quality that I started crying. I have never felt pride before. Before I knew it, I was addicted to it. I would find myself studying just for the sake of beating all the other kids at their own game, reaching the top three highest scorers. I did not do it for the superficial envy of others, or for the praise my parents and my teacher would give me; I did it for the feeling of accomplishment. Yes, it felt fantastic to be one of the highest scorers in the class, however I did not care much for statistics, but to finally experience what hard work precipitated to was amazing to me.
I believe that by attending the University of Florida, I will be in an environment where I can be challenged to recreate what I did when I first came to the United States. To finally have that determination again that will help me reach what I want with my life: To have a great one, and to make a difference while doing it, while simultaneously doing something I'm truly passionate about. By becoming a pathological doctor and helping others in their most vulnerable of times would give me the feeling of accomplishment that I once felt all those years ago. However, my journey begins with me being enriched by a great school: Harboring a fantastic health sciences institution, and a student body with desires that are as equally or even greater magnitude than mines.
I am very pressed on whether or not I have sufficiently addressed the topic or not. Please criticize my essay.
As I finished writing the final spelling word that my teacher announced, I was met with mixed feelings of both triumph and disgust. Triumphant because it was my first time ever finishing a spelling test without being five words behind; but disgusted because I knew that most of the words I tried to spell were more likely than not incorrect. My teacher then started going down the list: "Who has one wrong? ...Two wrong? ...Thirty wrong..." I never had the courage to raise my hand. Humiliation was something I feared more than the dark, spiders, or my mother's cooking. When I entered the fifth grade, my peers were condescending towards me, considering my understanding of the English language was very limited. What I was doing in a class with higher-level students like that, I do not know. However, I do know that their presence taught me what determination was. Instead of giving up, I recognized and persevered through my academic hardships. I started studying unbeknownst to my teacher, my classmates, or to my parents. At first, the results were unsatisfactory, it was as if there was no change at all. But all good things must take time. Even though at times I was ready to quit studying and give up, even then I understood the importance of having resolve. Gradually, my test results improved to the point where I was comfortable enough to raise my hand with the others. I still remember the look on my teacher's face when she first saw my hand raised, as stoic and proudly erected like the American flag atop Iwo Jima. I was taken aback with the amount of praise she gave to me; to the point where I was visibly embarrassed. "My word, John! You only missed three! I'm so proud of you!" Hearing those words from her gave me a feeling of such unknown quality that I started crying. I have never felt pride before. Before I knew it, I was addicted to it. I would find myself studying just for the sake of beating all the other kids at their own game, reaching the top three highest scorers. I did not do it for the superficial envy of others, or for the praise my parents and my teacher would give me; I did it for the feeling of accomplishment. Yes, it felt fantastic to be one of the highest scorers in the class, however I did not care much for statistics, but to finally experience what hard work precipitated to was amazing to me.
I believe that by attending the University of Florida, I will be in an environment where I can be challenged to recreate what I did when I first came to the United States. To finally have that determination again that will help me reach what I want with my life: To have a great one, and to make a difference while doing it, while simultaneously doing something I'm truly passionate about. By becoming a pathological doctor and helping others in their most vulnerable of times would give me the feeling of accomplishment that I once felt all those years ago. However, my journey begins with me being enriched by a great school: Harboring a fantastic health sciences institution, and a student body with desires that are as equally or even greater magnitude than mines.