Prompt #1 - Describe the world you come from for example your family, community or school and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I would like some feedback, thanks!
In this world, amazing people were shaped by the dreams they had, Dreams and aspirations are developed over time starting very early in ones' life. There are many factors, such as one's family, school and community that shape what those dreams and aspirations are. For me, my family's influence was greater than the others.
When I was entering eighth grade, my parents began feeding me ideas of becoming a successful doctor and making a good living. They began preparing me to be a doctor early in my schooling. It was piano lessons on the weekends, extra hours of memorizing multiplication tables in the summer, limited minutes with the television and hours with the science encyclopedia. It seemed they had been shaping me my whole life to be a doctor. As I gained wisdom and self consciousness, it occurred to me that my future was not to be a doctor and I thought that my parents were keeping me from reaching my aspirations. At the same time, I was inclined to satisfy my parents as they had been hyping of what I could become and out of respect for them I hid the fact that I wanted to go as my heart pleased. The only outlet for my heart's desires was found in playing video games with my brothers and friends, as I could make my own choices and live with the consequences knowing that I made the choices that led to them. What first started as an escape became a mystery. I wondered how these games were made. I found that what seemed simple on the surface was created by a complex computer language that professionals were paid to create. This was when I decided that I would like to pursue something in the computer science field but it was in the complete opposite direction of being a doctor. This disagreement between my Americanized Western philosophies of following my dreams in life did not mesh well with my parent's Chinese philosophy. The young would listen to what their parents told them and do as they said. The feeling of having to please my parents would last until my sophomore year at Rosemead High School.
That year, my older brother was heading off to college and encouraged me to think about what I would do with my life. I decided to talk to my parents about my plans for the future. After dinner there would be a time to discuss our days with the family, a perfect time to expose my ideas to my parents. The air felt tense as I explained in broken Chinese that I was discovering an interest in computer science, from what I saw, they seemed puzzled. For the longest minute of my life I waited for my parent's response. They began to speak and explained that they had read about careers having to do with computers on the internet. At that moment I was amazed that my parents had used technology to connect and be open to the ideas of Western philosophies of chasing dreams and ambitions. This made me appreciate the brilliance of the computer science majors that had provided the technology that my parents used to broaden their scope of information and the escape they provided me through video games. I now aspire to be able to provide a way of connecting the world through technology, and connecting someone from a foreign country to another. I feel I can achieve this goal by going into the field of computer science and creating programs that both domestic and international people will use to share their commonalities. My parents were able to comprehend my situation, and I realized the mindset that they had. They have disciplined me to have dedication, effort, and consistency everything I attempt with the intention of doing the best I can, never to settle for anything less.
Hi,
In this world, amazing people were shaped by the dreams they had, Dreams and aspirations are developed over time starting very early in ones' life. There are many factors, such as one's family, school and community that shape what those dreams and aspirations are. For me, my family's influence was greater than the others.
I feel your first two sentences sound rather a repetition of the prompt. Better rephrase them and rearrange the ideas. I suggest;
In my view, one's dreams and aspirations play a vital role in deciding his or her future. These dreams and aspirations can be influenced by many factors such as the family, community, friends etc. For me, it was my family which influenced my dreams and aspirations;
I think the first sentence should be written in the present verb tense:
In this world, amazing people are shaped by the dreams they have.
Dreams and aspirations are developed over time starting very early in ones ' one's ---put the apostrophe before the s.
And when it is a plural noun, put the apostrophe after the s:
For the longest minute of my life I waited for my parent 's parents' response.
Capitalize Internet.
My parents were able to comprehend my situation, and I realized the mindset that they had. -----beautiful!! This is a beautiful observation.
