Could someone please edit/tell me what they think of my essay for Boston University? Thanks so much!
Given what you know about Boston University, what do you hope to accomplish as an undergraduate here? Please respond in an essay of no more than 500 words.
"Life is hard. Get used to it."
"Life is filled with potholes that you'll fall into. Get used to it."
"Good things never last. Get used to it."
Those are some of the things people tell me when I decide to share a problem I'm having, a trip and a fall into a pothole. When someone does say such things like that to me, I feel like punching them. I don't only want to punch the pessimistic individual because they paint life to be absolute hell, disregarding the more beautiful aspects of living and breathing, but because some of those assertions, unfortunately, I find to be true. It is a fact that I hate to acknowledge.
Trust me, there is no need to tell me that life is rough. I have visited the morbid depths of hell before and it is a trip that forces me to shudder every time my mind's eye glances back on it. When I had landed in hell, in which I had to deal with the negative reactions of my parents regarding my sexuality, I didn't allow the fires to burn me. I kept climbing, sometimes slipping and falling back down, until I made it through. I was forever covered with ashes, memories forever scarring my mind, but I had made it.
"Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."
This saying also contains colossal truth, one that I am not afraid to concede to. Due to my experiences, not only the one that I briefly previously mentioned, but countless others, I have become stronger. I am more apt to triumph in this hard life with a big smile pasted across my face.
I also understand that I am not the only one who has visited hell, fallen into a pot hole, whatever you want to call it. Movies and television shows are blatant liars- no one has a perfect life. Everyone has their struggles, times where a complete breakdown is absolutely unavoidable. Some make it. Some don't. I aspire to be someone that helps those that are struggling to triumph and make it with big smiles pasted across their faces.
I'm sure that attending Boston University will inexorably help me reach this goal. I inevitably see myself thriving in the study of Psychology, as it is one of the best subjects that could prepare me to help others who are struggling. Essentially, long hours of studying, whether curled up in my bed with books sprawled across my sheets, or sitting upright at a desk in the library, would prove to be worthwhile. Internships are also critical, which will grant me hands on experience. Ultimately, I see myself getting lost, embarking on a thrilling adventure of exploring and becoming accustomed to a completely new city and school, meeting new people and broadening my mind on different cultures and perspectives, all which will help me help others.
No one deserves to stay down. Boston University will prepare me to help others get back up.
---Try not to use profanity because sometimes it demeans the writing..(Up to you..Personal Choice)
---Try to avoid using phrases like "trust me" "believe me" because it makes it sound as if your unreliable or trying to like force the thought into their head..your writing should be invoking enough that the reader understands your point.
---Don't use quotes bluntly and then just tell them what you are trying to say.. Good writing "SHOWS" doesn't "TELL" Like an experience or virtue or belief you carry, what empowers you..don't just tell them...sorry if I'm a little harsh..
---You have many awkward sentences, grammatical errors, vague at points, not clear to the point of what you want to say.. However your essay is decent but the intro could use a touch up and rearrange the quotes to make it a little more exciting to jump into the reading... HOpe that Helps..Best of Luck!
