This is a very personal essay of mine. Please tear it to shreads. Thanks!
Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?
My Life Incubator: Target
After school, I went to Target. It is only now that I realize why; my family did not have a "home" to go to. At first glance, this particular circumstance may have served as an impediment (believe me, for a long time I thought it did) but as I reflect now, it was the complete opposite.
To many, Target is another place to conveniently purchase common goods. To 13-year-old me, it was home. My personal kingdom spanned a vast region: the haphazardly put-together Toy section, the vibrant Clothing section, and the mystifying electronics section.
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Lan, the essay that you wrote is really informative and tells us about your background. However, it does not answer the prompt. What the admissions officer wants to know is where you feel content. Unfortunately, that connection does not exist for you in this essay. Target was far from being a place of contentment to you. It was a place where you learned things about life, which is not the same as feeling contentment. to better answer the prompt you should think of a place where you feel safe, secure, and complete. This could be any place that you want. You could even use Target if you want to, just make sure to tie it to a sense of contentment rather than a sense of learning so that the prompt can be properly answered. Any place where you feel satisfied even just by sitting there, such as a park or playground, is the place where you feel content. Find that place for yourself and write about it :-)
Thanks Vangiespen,
Do you suggest I rewrite the whole essay? I feel like Target really is a place where I am content. When I was younger, it was for reasons stated in the essay, today it is more nostalgia and the memories it created for me.
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
This is also one of the common app prompts. Do you think this better identifies with that essay that I created?
If you want to use this essay for the contentment app, then yes, you have to revise the essay in its entirety. Should you choose to use this essay for the second app instead, then you won't have to revise it very much. It actually answers the second prompt more than the first one which you wrote it for. You will just have to make a few adjustments to the essay in order to make it fully work for the second app but it will definitely work. In fact, I suggest that you go ahead and use this essay for the second essay prompt instead. That will save you the bother of having to develop a new topic and essay for that prompt. Just develop a new one for the previous prompt. Remember though that whatever you choose to do, we will all be here to help you review and develop it :-)
I will continue with the second prompt. Thank you very much, Vangiespen.
Do you have any suggested revisions with the new prompt change?
I would be more than happy to make suggestions regarding the second prompt. It would be best though that I wait until I have seen what you have come up with in your repurposing of the essay so that I can properly assess the content and alignment with the prompt. Just remember that you will need to keep the essence of the original paper while restating everything in a new manner. If you want to, you can keep the portions that you think are vital to the essay without revising or adding to that content. That way you will not risk getting something lost in translation. Work on the restated prompt and I will see what we can do to improve it or if it requires improvement :-)
Hi Vangiespen, I rewrote it and added some more background information. Let me know what you think. It's currently at 668/650 words.
Prompt: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
My Life Incubator: Target
After a long and mundane day of school, I jumped into our aging sedan. After the boxes began to pile up in our house, I knew something was brewing. "Where are we going today?" I cheerfully asked my mother.
"You and your sister are staying with your Aunt until I can find us a home", she responded. You could hear a pin drop in the car. She reassured me by saying that my laptop would also be accompanying us to our new 'home'. "How about I take you two to Target?" she said trying to comfort us. Being young and naïve, I was ecstatic.
Despite having a place to sleep at my Aunt's house, I felt homeless. In movies, you often hear stories about people growing up doing homework on their desk or playing in their backyard; I envied those simple pleasures. During one of the most important growth phases in my life, I did not have your typical white picket fence. At first glance, this particular circumstance may have served as an impediment (believe me, for a long time I thought it did) but as I reflect now, it served the complete opposite. As I reflect now, I realize I did not need all that: I had Target.
Over the next few months, I would spend everyday after school in Target ignoring the fact that I did not have a 'home'. Corporate America might not be as vicious and unforgiving as I have been told - or my neighborhood Target may just be a diamond in the rough. Every single time I walked in, my mind escaped reality. The clamor of the cash registers and the murmur of disgruntled customers were in a peculiar manner, music to my ears.
To many, Target is another place to conveniently purchase common goods. To 13-year old me, it was 'home'. My personal kingdom spanned a vast region: the haphazardly put-together Toy section, the vibrant Clothing section, and the mystifying electronics section. The bright white lights inspired me, and the always-encouraging stock boys motivated me.
As cliché as this may sound, Target is where I learned that home is not necessarily a physical location, but merely where your heart is. My time in Target gave me the opportunity to learn new things about myself that I would have never otherwise learned. It is Target where I learned about my most important characteristic traits: curiosity and passion.
Upon entering the store, I dashed straight to the Electronics. As I spent more time in Target, my interest in computers expanded. I began to ask myself questions such as: how they are made, what software do they run, and why they work the way they do. My curiosity began to grow.
I wanted answers. One day I brought my computer. With Target's excellent free Wi-Fi connection, I taught myself to code in HTML and Objective-C. From creating iOS applications next to the Grocery section or debugging website projects in the Furniture section; Target is where I learned how to create. My search for answers and the jovial environment inspired my pursuit of knowledge. This enabled my passion.
Though I no longer go to Target daily, I still fondly remember all the observations and lessons that I learned while in Target. I have since expanded my programming language repertoire to include JavaScript, Swift, and Python. I have even started my own company with a focus on helping others further their own creations. This time, however, I was able to do it in the comfort of my own bedroom.
I would not be who I am today without my experiences at Target. Today, as I use the "force" to unlock those unappealing automatic sliding doors, my mind escapes reality and enters the kingdom that I created many years ago. This neighborhood store not only had excellent deals on products, but it gave me a sense of family, expanded my knowledge, fueled my curiosity, and most important of all: developed my passion for creating.
It is Target where I learned about my most important characteristic traits: curiosity and passion.
- It is
at Target where...
Your essay has presented a side to you that could have been left unknown if it were not for this essay prompt. The way that you presented Target as not only an integral, but central part of your development as a teenager shows the reader that you have the ability to flourish under the most extreme circumstances. You know how to use the resources on-hand for your betterment and, thanks to Target, you came to identify your central identity. Excellent work on this essay. Be proud to submit this for consideration :-)