LIFE ISNT WORTH LIVING IF YOU ONLY LIVE FOR YOURSELF! BARRY UNIVERSITY PROMPT!

Directions:
Think about a service activity that you engaged in during high school as you address the following questions in your essay.

How important was it to the people you served?
Would you participate in this activity again?
If so, why? If not, why not?

Essay:
During the summer of my junior year in high school I had the pleasure of volunteering at La Rabida Children's Hospital, La Rabida is a hospital that provides care to children with lifelong medical conditions. During my time at La Rabida I would help children read, write, and forget for a couple of hours that they are ill. Volunteering at La Rabida was important to the people I served because for the 24 hours in a day four of those hours we played and laughed. There was never any discussion of "Why are you here?" or "What medical condition do you have?" because for those four hours they got to be a kid. I believe anyone who comes to sit and play with them indirectly helps them with their struggle which I feel is important to them. Being at La Rabida reassured me of what I want to do in life: help other people through medicine. Which is why I am continuing to volunteer during the school year and next summer. I believe life isn't worth living if you only live in service of yourself.

I need help with:
Does it make sense?
Does it answer all the questions?
Did I use good diction?
Is it too short or too long? (there was no word limit)

This essay answers almost all of the prompts provided except the question about "How important was it to the people you served?" That portion of the essay was too short. You should have explained more about your interaction with the children and how your activities with them were something that they looked forward to. Perhaps include information about how you developed important bonds with the kids who were very ill through the storytelling time or playtime you have with them. If there is no word limit then I suggest that you work on developing each paragraph even further in order to give a more precise explanation of your experience there and why you will continue to volunteer with the hospital. There are a few grammatical and punctuation errors that need to be corrected but that can be done after you revise the content of the essay because you might decide to rewrite some portions, which would make the corrections moot and academic.

Overall, it was a solid essay that proved how well your understood the prompt. You just need to expand your paragraph discussion some more in order to fully utilize the potential to present a very interesting activity that you had in the best light :-)

During my time at La Rabida I would help children read, write, and forget for a couple of hours that they are ill. Volunteering at La Rabida was important to the people I served because for the 24 hours in a day four of those hours we played and laughed.

START OFF WITH THIS. SHOWING THIS! As I went to get some more boardgames laughing from what X said, I came back in the room and they were still laughing...

Then talk about realizing how at La Rabida's Children Hospital is a haven where students get operated blah blah blah but also can be the children that they are.

It would be cool if you started off with you teaching them a childhood rite of passage like riding a bike.

And then parallel this to helping people at the hospital. Helping large families through tough times. Being there for that one 86 year old with surprisingly no family.