I would appreciate help. The prompt is the following:
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
I realized I was unique in the third grade. No, I was not the school handball champion. Instead, it was something less exciting, but still impressive to eight- year- olds. My talent appeared in the classroom when I scored one hundred percent on almost all my math tests and was placed in a special math group. This was an event that would change the direction of my life. I learned concepts the older grades were learning and tutored my classmates. They looked up to me because I was smart, and in elementary school, smart was cool.
Much has changed since third grade, including math being cool. Although math no longer enhances my social status, my adeptness and love for it remains. After solving a calculus equation, I get a surge of happiness and feel on top of the world. When it takes a few tries to solve a problem, I feel a rush of adrenaline. It is as if I finally understand everything and doors open to new problems I can solve. The feelings math gives me carry over into the rest of my life and make me more confident in everything I do.
Math is not just a subject to me; it is the way I approach life. When making a decision, I address it as I would a quadratic equation, looking at different ways to solve the problem, coming up with a solution, and making sure the solution works. This approach served me well when faced with an important decision about changing swim teams. Just as factoring is usually the first step to solving a quadratic equation, creating a pro and con list was the first step I took to simplify my decision. In a quadratic equation and in life, there can be more than one solution. A wrong solution can have lasting effects, so I always check to make sure the solution works. Before switching swim teams permanently, I first made sure I liked the coach and other swimmers.
My range of feelings and confidence exposed through math will prevail in everything I do at the University of Florida. When I work on a math problem I am focused, and at UF I will focus on my classes and studying. When I face a challenging math problem I work with others, and at UF I will gain new friends and experiences in my quest for knowledge. When I complete a math problem correctly I feel like cheering, and at UF I will cheer for all the clubs and sports teams. This is a unique feeling and I expect to carry it with me into my studies and life at the University of Florida. Although math may not be as dramatic to some people as slamming that handball past another kid, it is where I personally excel.
First off, thanks for answering my post.
Your entire essay is clear, and you tie in math well with your life experiences. I'm struggling a little bit with the first part of the first paragraph.
Instead, it was something less exciting, but still impressive to eight- year- olds.
The reader doesn't know what "it" is yet, and you're already elaborating on it. It's a little awkward, but just a little.
This is great! I especially love the last sentence of the first paragraph.
Now, you cannot avoid bragging about your math abilities, because this kind of essay calls for presenting yourself in a positive light, but you CAN balance it by writing something about how you struggle in one area or another... but you always know that you have special skill in mathematics.
You can write about how you became fascinated in the ancient mathematicians...
Also, i think this would be better if you write more about what you intend to do in life, how you intend to apply your skill. Maybe we need you as a physicist...
