I have some trouble in grammar and sentence structure. My essay doesn't semms to flow well, so I am hoping if anyone could give me some suggestions and comments. Really appreciated!
Prompt #1
Describe the world you come form - for example, your family, community or school- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
In psychology class, I learned about nature versus nurture. I studied how genetic traits (nature) and personal experiences (nurture) shaped a person's behavior and personality. Although genes could affect one's physical appearance, I believe determination depends on one's experiences and hardships in life. I had experienced such life changing struggle when my family and I moved to America; it was a struggle that inspired me to overcome future obstacles and to strive for higher successes.
When my family and I moved from Hong Kong to America, I was polarized between the two worlds: the world that I no longer lived in and the world that I had no knowledge of. I felt a barrier had isolated me from communicating to people. However, with the help of my friends and teachers, who guided me through many difficulties, I was able to break that barrier and to express my opinions freely.
In my sophomore year, I was accepted into the Cal-SOAP Scholar Program (California Student Opportunity and Access Program), a program that changed me dramatically. Every week, I took an hour-long bus ride to the University of San Diego. At first, I felt terrified sitting with thirdly other students I did not know, but later I discovered they also wanted to make new friends just like I was. Our teacher Ms. G, taught us many test-taking strategies and tips on writing college essay. She encouraged us to peer-review and work together in groups. I enjoyed working in this collaborative environment because it taught me many different ways and approaches to solve a problem. As my writing skills grew exponentially, I become more confident at expressing and translating my thoughts on paper.
Looking back at my experiences, I have transformed from a shy and timid student into a self-motivated and goal-oriented individual who enjoys learning on his own. In college, I see myself guiding students through difficulties, meeting people from different ethnic backgrounds and exploring my interest in politics. I understand the future will be full of obstacles and challenges, but I feel I will be better prepared to adapt to these changes.
Prompt #1
Describe the world you come form - for example, your family, community or school- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
In psychology class, I learned about nature versus nurture. I studied how genetic traits (nature) and personal experiences (nurture) shaped a person's behavior and personality. Although genes could affect one's physical appearance, I believe determination depends on one's experiences and hardships in life. I had experienced such life changing struggle when my family and I moved to America; it was a struggle that inspired me to overcome future obstacles and to strive for higher successes.
When my family and I moved from Hong Kong to America, I was polarized between the two worlds: the world that I no longer lived in and the world that I had no knowledge of. I felt a barrier had isolated me from communicating to people. However, with the help of my friends and teachers, who guided me through many difficulties, I was able to break that barrier and to express my opinions freely.
In my sophomore year, I was accepted into the Cal-SOAP Scholar Program (California Student Opportunity and Access Program), a program that changed me dramatically. Every week, I took an hour-long bus ride to the University of San Diego. At first, I felt terrified sitting with thirdly other students I did not know, but later I discovered they also wanted to make new friends just like I was. Our teacher Ms. G, taught us many test-taking strategies and tips on writing college essay. She encouraged us to peer-review and work together in groups. I enjoyed working in this collaborative environment because it taught me many different ways and approaches to solve a problem. As my writing skills grew exponentially, I become more confident at expressing and translating my thoughts on paper.
Looking back at my experiences, I have transformed from a shy and timid student into a self-motivated and goal-oriented individual who enjoys learning on his own. In college, I see myself guiding students through difficulties, meeting people from different ethnic backgrounds and exploring my interest in politics. I understand the future will be full of obstacles and challenges, but I feel I will be better prepared to adapt to these changes.
