Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I come from a South Vietnamese family. My parents lived through the Vietnam War and saw the communist conquer their homeland. To escape persecution, they immigrated to the United States.
My parents brought with them their passion and value for education. When I was young, they always told me stories about their education. My parents were beaten with rulers and bamboo sticks if they achieved anything less than perfect. It was instilled upon them that a person's duty was to study hard and graduate from college in order to be successful. They frequently studied through the night to fulfill their duty as best as they could. Despite how much they studied however, they were never able to go to college because of the Vietnam War. My father got drafted into the army when he was only one year away from going to college. My mother dropped out because she could no longer afford education when the communists took over.
For most of my childhood though, I listened to their stories but I never understood them. This was why I always ignored my parents when they told me to work hard in school in order to succeed. I always dismissed their advice as cliché and insignificant.
One evening, however, my mother came home from work and threw a tantrum. She cursed her boss, cursed her job and cursed the Viet-Cong communists. "They robbed my country and took everything from me," she said. She then proceeded to curse me as well, saying I had it so easy and that I took everything for granted.
I didn't understand what she meant when she said the Viet-Cong took everything from her. But I soon realized how hopeless my parents felt. Not only did they see themselves as failures because they were never able to accomplish their duty, they also lost their homeland, left behind all their friends and family and restarted their lives in solitude in a foreign land. All that could look forward to were their low income jobs.
Because I have given so little to my parents who have suffered so much, it was become my goal and my duty to graduate from college. I'll finish their education for them. I'll be educated for them and I'll prove to them that they are not failures. I must fulfill not only my parents' duty but also my own duty, my own mission in which I succeed where my parents have failed. I must also provide a better life style for both me and my parents. My parents have suffered through life without a college diploma. They work tirelessly day after day to receive only a meager salary. I do not want to go through what they have experienced. Likewise, I do not want my parents to continue living the way they're living. They have suffered enough. I will persevere in my studies to be able to go to college so that I can be successful for my family, my parents and for myself.
How well do you think I answered the prompt? Please tell me what you think and also let me know if there are any sentences or grammar errors that need to be corrected. Thank you for reading.
You talked about your parents a lot. This essay is about you. Colleges want to know you. I didn't get to know much about you until the last paragraph. I suggest that you connect your conclusion with the rest of the essay. For example, you can add bits of your goals to graduate from college when you talked about how your parents themselves did not go to college. So, relate it you more.
Overall, it's well writing. I just didn't get a sense of who you are.
