TOPIC : stating why you would like to come and study at Far East
University as an exchange student (include efforts any efforts you have made in order for you to be prepared):
All people have desires!!! The desire of each people are totally different. My desire? I would like to be an exchange student in order to learn many things, to experience the world by myself, and to learn something new that everyone think I cannot do it. Personally, I think if I can do it if I could get a chance. As a result, I would like to submit this essay to tell the committee that 'I am ready to take a chance'.
Since I was young, I wanted to go somewhere far away from home to get an experience of living alone. I want to do anything that never make it done at home. Until I have grown up, I have learned and I thought that I would like to be an exchange student once in a lifetime to get different experiences, knowledge, attitudes, lifestyles and cultures. I am always keeping track of social networks and following good news from various sources all the time. One day, I heard that my faculty announced about the high school exchange program. At best, this project has the exchange program at Far East University in South Korea which is a country I had once visited and it caused my passion in its language and cultures. Travelling may be a good learning of experience and cultures, but it is still a little of all. I think being an exchange student will be a chance to get new experiences more than travelling certainly. It would be learning and cultural exchange, friendship with foreign friends, exchanging of knowledge and attitudes, as well as learning to solve immediate problems by myself.
Finally, I believe that if I could get the chance to be an exchange student as expected, I will be able to develop my talents and potential increasingly. Moreover, I also believe that the all the experiences I gained from living there will be able to develop and will be particularly beneficial for me in the future.
Thank you in advance for help me.
Personally, I think
if I can do it if I could get a chance. As a result Therefore, I would like to submit this essay to tell the committee 'I am ready to take a chance'. i ' with further discussion.
Hi Nrakad, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, we are glad that you found this very helpful and useful website. We strive to provide you with the most accurate and objective feedback, in order for you to create a more meaningful and stronger essay.
Now, as I was reading your essay, I must say, I'm quiet confused, most of the words and sentences, yes, has the idea of what you want to impart to your readers, however, it does not have the right essence of the message you would like to send across your readers. To betted understand what I'm trying to say, please find the modifications below;
- All people have desires!
!!( avoid writing your punctuation marks in a continuos manner, this is a formal writing)
- The desire of each people
areis ( mind your tenses) totally different.
My desire? I would
- not everyone think
cannotcould do it .
Personally, I think if I can do it if I could getI believe I am a great addition to the institution should I be given a chance.
As a result, I would like to submit this essay to tell the committee that 'I am ready to take a chance'.- this sentence is not necessary
There you have it Nrakad, I hope the above corrections are able to help you in your revision and while you're at it, mind the formality of your essay, make sure that it is written in a way that you are like submitting a formal letter or a plea for the institution to hear your application to become an exchange student. Remember, this is a once in a lifetime chance, so you have to give it your best. Also, make sure that you are confident in all the ideas that you present in the essay, don't say, "I think", instead, say "I believe", this way the panel or committee knows that your decision is strong and indeed, you are ready for the challenge.
Thanks for suggestion to improve @justivy03
Hi Nrakad, no worries at all, we are here to help you out in every way we can. I really hope you make it into becoming an exchange student, this is a chance for you to discover not only other culture but definitely discover yourself in the process. The travel, the experience is just a bonus, the learning is the most important take out in this whole process.
I for one has become an exchange student, it may not be an international exchange but it surely did me very good, it opened a lot of doors, I learned a lot and made me who I am today, this is why I do pray that you make it to the list of this exercise.
Now, when it comes to your writing, you need to put or exert a lot of confidence in your writing, your confidence will take you places and this is what you also need to build. The art of writing can be honed and your confidence too, make sure to practice, read a lot, read aloud and try your best to proof read your own material, a healthy competition from other students writing will also boost and create that sense of getting better if not the best out of the whole pack.
Hello ! this is my new essay.
All people have desires. The desire of each people are totally different. My desire? I would like to be an exchange student in order to learn many things, to experience the world by myself, and to learn something new that not everyone think I could do it. I believe I am a great addition to the institution should I be given a chance.
When I was a child, I used to think that going abroad was a challenge. I have believed that being an exchange student abroad could be the best life experience during a period of time. The current faculty I am attending announced an exchange program at Far East University, South Korea. I went to South Korea once. I am passionate about its language and culture. Thus, I have strong intention to apply for the program and do not hesitate to grab this opportunity.
Apart from Korean culture, this exchange program is a great opportunity to meet new things. Moreover, this program provides problem-solving methods. The most important advantages are skills, attitudes and experiences which can be further developed for self-improvement and others. Travelling abroad may be considered as a good path to learn languages and cultures. Still, travelling leads to partial learning only. I think being an exchange student offers opportunity to gain more experiences than travelling. Being an exchange student offers ability to acknowledge trial-and-error problem-solving skills. I believe every exchange program does not only offer new cultural and linguistic knowledge but also provide important life opportunity.
Finally, I am confident that I am always ready to be open-minded and learn new things with alacrity and deep interest after I get accepted to be an exchange student as I have always expected. I have spent my time after school working part-time jobs to accummulate an amount of money to apply for the program and improve my knowledge, competence and potentiality. Moreover, I believe that my exchange student experience will be further developed for my future and advantages.
Hi Nrakad, the revised essay is definitely better than the original one, however, I still find a few notes that can be enhanced.
have believe d that being an
could beis one of the best life experience
during a period of timethat I can have .
intentioninterest to apply
thingspeople ( you don't meet things, you see them ) .
- Travelling - traveling ( make sure you have your spell checker to have your spellings corrected at all times, this minor mistake can be fatal to your essay as it can change to whole thought of the essay )
after I get accepted to be an exchange student as I have always expected.should I be accepted in this program. ( the previous phrase sounded off, like you are being arrogant or too proud and this is a no no as well, be confident but not too confident, be positive but not overly assumptive )
- jobs to
accummulatesave an amount of
be further develop edmy skills, in order to prepare for my future and advantages.
There you have it Nrakad, I hope you will be able to create the final revision of this letter of application and the best of luck to you!