"I'm like a lot of things" - Is this good? UCF/Tufts

Both essay questions are basically the same "what qualities or unique characteristics do you posses that will allow you to contribute to *insert school*? What are you like? What voice will you bring to the class of 2014 etc.

I think this is a rather creative approach but I need some help with it, it's my first try so I know there's thigns I need to fix, so any help would be appreciated, thanks.

I've been told I'm like a lot of things, a ball of energy, a breath of fresh air, an innocent kitten, but the one I find the most accurate and the most enjoyable is a hummingbird. I'm like a hummingbird because I'm energetic, and I seem to be in all places at once. That humming sound? While some may find it annoying, it really is the way I speak, fast and loud, I let myself be heard and I stand up for what I believe in. Hummingbirds are also quite bright in their coloration, and I'm bright like them, only in a different way, I'm intelligent and like to challenge myself and try new things. And just like hummingbirds, important pollinators, I am determined to do my job well, whether it's volunteering at a local charity or just doing my homework, I always put in my best effort.

I like the fact that your essay is unique. I do, however, think it could be a little bit longer and maybe you could elaborate more/give more details. Other than that I think youre on the right path =)

The lack of in depth examples could be excused if your writing was lively but it isn't. Finding something to compare yourself to is not very creative. It can become creative if you displayed more deep thought.

The only advice I can give you is add more details.

Draw pictures instead of describing.

that's all I have to say.

Topic is unique. Details need to be added. I think your writing can be revised to make what you have so far better. You don't need to repeat "like hummingbirds" because it's clear that you're comparing yourself to the hummingbirds. Your character really shines through. (:

Please read mine (check my profile).

Topic is interesting.

But I think the certain "quality" you want to convey is not THAT clear.