I've been told I'm like a lot of things, a ball of energy, a breath of fresh air, a ray of sunshine, but the one I find the most accurate and the most amusing is a hummingbird. I'm like a hummingbird because I'm energetic, and I seem to be in all places at once. That humming sound? While some may find it annoying, it really is the way I speak, fast and loud, I let myself be heard and I stand up for what I believe in. Hummingbirds are also quite bright in their coloration, and I'm bright like them, only in a different way, I'm intelligent and like to challenge myself and try new things. And just like hummingbirds, important pollinators, I am determined to do my job well, whether it's volunteering at a local charity or just doing my homework, I always put in my best effort.
Is this good enough? I need some feedback, what can I add or take out?
I've been told I'm like ... is a hummingbird. I'mI am like a hummingbird because I'm . I am energetic, and I seem to be in all places at once.
^What does the part I have highlighted in Italics even mean?
That humming sound? While some may find it annoying, it really is the way I speak,fast and loud, I let myself be heard and I stand up for what I believe in.
^I understand that you are trying to draw an analogy between yourself and a hummingbird. As limited as my knowledge on humminbirds may be, I am certain that Hummingbirds do not stand up for what they believe in, because I doubt that they are fighting for rights or anything in particular apart from basic survival.
Hummingbirds are also quite bright ... myself and try new things.
^Such self-flattery in an essay fails to show a modest side to you. Also, your grammar in this sentence needs to be worked on, but I would just advise removing this sentence altogether.
And just like hummingbirds, important pollinators, I am ...
^Pollinators? That is a form of fertilization. Is that what you aim to do? Because the rest of what you have written is not related to fertility in anyway.
I enjoy the analogy, but this entry lacks enough interesting description.
I disagree with Liebe on th elast two sentences, mostly because it's clear that you are not talking about doing fertilization yourself and I don't see anything too vain about the sentence.
But yes, you have to develop your analogy more and work on your grammar overall. I would honestly suggest just rewriting the whole thing with those themes in mind.
