Listening to classical music: something I do for the pleasure of it (short answer)

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it.

I adapted an excerpt from one of my other essays for this prompt. Do any of you think it effectively answers the question?

My throat clicked as I watched the bow dolefully stroke the rosined hair; my eyes glimmered with nostalgic tears as my ears absorbed the violin's tender melodies. The morning sun dimmed and the atmosphere grayed. As I was whisked away to my rural childhood, my chair transformed into a lonely stone in the midst of lush pastures. As the dulcet tones subsided, I calmly reminisced my past. This contemplation is just a daily dose of classical music. For this reason, I purely indulge in listening to classical music.

I think the ending is too blunt.. you bring out a lot of imagery but the ending doesn't seem to flow, in my opinion.

Personally, I think vastly detailed text in a short answer is not a good idea and very difficult to do well. You can make a couple of changes to the ending to make it better if you want to take the risk.

Keep in mind that you can portray a very vivid image in the mind of your reader without having to use large words - as admissions officers say, that is what the SAT verbal section is for.

This is all just my opinion, by the way.

Yeah... -.-. I tried to save myself some work by taking this from a different essay and adapting it... in the end I'm doing more. Sigh...

I agree. The preceding text is too descriptive to end do abruptly. Write a more deserving conclusion. Perhaps something along the lines of: Classical music so intensely evokes feelings of inspiration and gratification in me that I regard it as the ultimate form of indulgence. Just a suggestion.


I think for this short answer in particular, the passion he has demonstrated in the response is very appropriate. It shows that he is not merely writing an answer that the adcomm expects but rather that he is totally passionate about the subject matter. I think it is an excellent response.

As concerns the complexity of his lexicon (lol!! i did that just to spite you :D), i don't think it really matters as long as it sounds authentic and reads naturally (as his does). It is discouraged when people simple use the thesaurus on every other world in a bid to sound intelligent but instead it results in text that sounds disjointed, or worse, they use synonyms that are ambiguous.

I say keep the text, loose the conclusion and write a more appropriate thesis statement. :)

Sidebar: On top of competing with me for a spot in Stanford, you are also competing with me for 1 in MIT???? I do not like you. :)

Thanks for the suggestion. I changed it a little bit to accommodate the word limit:
"Classical music so intensely moves and inspires me that I regard it as the ultimate form of indulgence."


I looked at your other threads and saw that you are also applying to Cornell and Princeton. A LOT of competition :]

I feel like you could use less imagery and give more content of how exactly classical music is something you listen to for the pleasure of it. Does it make you feel better when you are upset? Does it relax you? Does it excite you? and how? Like I would give more specifics on how it meshes with your life.

Here is a new version. I tried to follow much of the advice given above. Thanks to everyone who has helped me!

My throat clicked as I watched the bow dolefully stroke the rosined hair; my eyes glimmered with nostalgic tears as my ears absorbed the violin's tender melodies. As I was whisked away to my rural childhood, my chair transformed into a lonely stone in the midst of lush pastures. As the dulcet tones subsided, I calmly reminisced my past and forgot the present. In this world, I had no burdens or worries. Classical music so intensely inspires and relaxes me that I regard it as the ultimate form of indulgence.

I think that is appropriate. I like what you have now. Do not tinker too much with it anymore. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. :)


I know! it feels more of buying a lottery ticket than applying for your future really. Good luck with everything though. :)

The morning sun dimmed, and the atmosphere grayed. As I was whisked away to my rural childhood, and my chair transformed into a lonely stone in the midst of lush pastures. As the ...

I made this change so that you would not start 2 consecutive sentences with "as the"

This is nice! The style of writing seems like a violin.

My sister wants me to buy her an electric violin. Recommend any particular type or brand?