The little boy- Stanford Supplement

What matters to you, and why? (100 to 250 words)
I got out of the car, stretched my arms, and read the faint words "Manipireddy Palli" on a dusty yellow sign. This little town that was my home not less than 5 years ago seemed a lot different.

As I walked, I encountered many heartbreaking sites of almost torn down houses and sick children. All the women and men and children I passed were awe-spired at how healthy I looked- for the outline of their ribs and bones were blatantly visible through their skin.

At the end, right before I reached my grandmother's house, a little boy, about the age of 6 or 7, crawled up to me slowly. It wasn't until he came up to my skirt and pulled on it, that I realized him dragging his paralyzed leg behind him. I thought he would beg for money, but he only said five little words, "can you help me?"

The little boy had his leg amputated due to Polio- a disease that had been eliminated in many areas but still prevailed in poor regions. For there are thousands of talented doctors in the world, but what is the purpose if there are still many in the world who are uncured.

What matters are the unforgotten regions- the towns that have lost hope- because everybody deserves a chance. It took a little boy to open my eyes to something I should have realized a long time ago. Now it's just time to awaken the rest of the world.

I like the approach, but some different word choices could add more flow.
For example, "For there are thousands of talented doctors in the world, but for what purpose if there are still many in the world who are uncured. What matters are the unforgotten regions- the towns that have lost hope- because every one deserves a chance. A little boy to open my eyes to something I should have realized a long time ago. Now it's just time to awaken the rest of the world."

thank you! Do you think the essay is good tho? or is it too cliche?

The idea is a bit cliche, but I think you did a good job of relating it because this was something you experienced first hand. And that definitely brings more meaning to it. Maybe add a bit more about how you will awaken the rest of the world. Good job!

I think that regardless of the cliche, this essay stands on its own merits. But I think that instead of asking the question at the end, you should make it the opening zinger of your statement instead. Put it right up there as a personal quote. Then go into the discussion about the visit to your former home and your experience there. Let the reader know that this thought was constantly running through the back of your mind as you walked through the streets, seeing the debilitating conditions that your former neighbors were living in. Perhaps explain how you felt as you walked through the town, that will make your meeting the boy feel more dramatic and eye opening.


- Just something I caught here. You need to be specific in the statements that you write. The impact in this sentence was diminished by one missing word, "ME". The sentence should have read, "What matters most to me are the..." For more impact. By the way, if there is a way you can mention joining "Doctors Without Borders" in your statement, I think it will add some punch to it and lessen the cliche. Doctors Without Borders do charity work in the forgotten regions that you mentioned in the statement so I think that will make a good closing line for you.

Hello,

To answer your question...YES! This essay is very cliche. However, the main problem I see here is that this is not really a response that the adcoms at Stanford will appreciate. Why? Because hidden in this question is a secondary part that almost requires you to show how/why whatever cause you say is important to you has prompted you to take action (in the past). That is to say if the "unforgotten regions" are important to you, you should have some experience with trying to help alleviate the problems that trouble those areas. Since you do not demonstrate that you have even attempted to do so, this essay has absolutely no merit. Remember, you are applying to Stanford. More thoughtful and well crafted essays are required. - Admissions Advice Online

Well I helped found a foundation in India where we help set up health booths and education. Does that add merit to the essay? Should I start completely over?

It will help you demonstrate that you are really serious about this but you will need to tie everything together so that it presents a clear picture for the reader. So you need to connect how your desire to found this organization was spurred by your trips to this area. Specifically why health and education? -Admissions Advice Online