hey guys~~could you give me some suggestion about this essay? Is this on topic? I am about to submit it in four days~ so really need some revision adivice~~
How can I improve it? I am 40 words over the limit now.
Thanks! and I will revise yours, i promise!
1. Tell us about your academic interests and what you plan to study at U of T. How does your plan fit in with your long term goals? (400 words maximum) Your answer may either be typed directly in the text box or cut and pasted in from an existing document.
When I was a little girl, mathematics is a game. Every night after dinner, my dad and I would sit together at the dinner table, raising battle after battle on the draft paper to see who could solve a mathematic problem faster and better. Tackling a challenging math question by trying different solutions became my favorite intellectual game. It was not until I joined the school Olympiad team and took college level courses that I began to notice the true beauty of mathematics; how, simple multiplication can be expressed as an infinite series, how the motion of a spring can be expressed as a non-linear differential equation, how natural logarithms can confuse the transitive property, and how infinity can create solutions that just don't exist. Gradually, the more I dabble into math, the better I understand its penetrating impact on social developments, ranging from economy to science and technology, the more certain I select math as my future major.
My dream is to become a mathematician, who can use advanced math tools to explore the world of finance. During the school search, I am particularly looking for those with a strong academic and research education as well as an excellent professional internship program. This is why an undergraduate specialist degree in Mathematical Applications in Economics and Finance at University of Toronto is so attractive to me. First, the first two years of fundamental study in various theories and models would help me establish a strong math background before heading to more advanced courses such as Applied Econometrics and Time Series Analysis. Second, the department offers an one-of-a-kind "Professional Experience Year program(PEY)" for me to extend my study from classroom to the work place. Working in the industry for 12-16 months. I will be able to obtain a systematic and complete training in one firm from initiating to completing of a project. Finally, though owning one of the largest undergraduate math programs in Canada, the Department of Mathematics make sure that students will benefit from a close-knit environment. Her small class size, excellent peer mentoring program, and characteristic student seminars such as MUMS will help me nurture personal relationships with the professors and fellow students, who would continue to serve as a constant source of inspirations long after graduation.
When I picture myself in the next four years, it is at Toronto. Under the university motto "As a tree through the ages", I hope I could also grow to be a tree, to extend my root of knowledge deep enough to absorb the nourishment of knowledge so that I can mature,, flourish, and ultimately make my own contribution to the world.
When I was a little girl, mathematics is a game. was
I think you should reword the following:
1. raising battle after battle on the draft paper to see who could solve a mathematics problem faster and better. you missed the s But I think that the word raising is a confusing word here.
2. Instead of saying school search, maybe say college search.
3. You said her small class size which I assume is a typo.
Other than that, think it is a good essay. I like how it is evident that you did research on the school.
