'Live music' - Common app short answer - piano

Hey I'm new here! This is my response for the common app short answer. It is actually under the word limit! it's 142 words and 150 words is the cut off, so I have a little room to expand if needed. I am open to any criticism/comments/suggestions!

Please and thanks (:

When playing the piano, not only does the music come alive, but I can also live, if only for a brief time, vicariously through its melody. I become one with the emotion of the music; my fingers are extensions of the black and white keys and my heart is the pulse of the metronome. I become consumed in the playful staccatos, the soothing legatos, and the heartbreaking climaxes of the music. Music has this marvelous ability to embrace and elevate the joys and sorrows of life, and even soothe them when necessary. When I return to my familiar piano bench, slightly worn and wobbly from years of shifting posture in accordance to the music, I am warmed by a feeling of satisfaction and longing. The music I create now runs through every artery and vein in the intricate harmony of my body.

This is a well-written short answer essay. I really like the way you personify the music with "playful staccatos, the soothing legatos, and the heartbreaking climaxes". I'm into music myself, and I think this is a very beautiful way to show the admissions officers how music is a part of your soul. Good job!

I really like this essay too, because I also play the piano. I don't know if your should say that your fingers become extensions of the black and white keys, or the keys become an extension of you. (also the metronome becomes your pulse, or your pulse becomes the metronome) I mean, the other might add a little more flavor to the reading.

the word become could be substituted with the word "merge" or "synchronize" if you know what I mean. Overrall, it is really great. Say, what is the word limit on this?

Aw thank you both!
@spicawind - the word limit is 150, and right now my answer is 142 words.

Do you think there is a better way to say...


?
I just feel like it is a tad awkward. Or maybe I am over thinking it?

I would just say "I become one with the music", Emotion complicates the sentence too much.

I think that you have done a great job with having a 150 word limit. You make the essay personal and you makes these emotion identifiable for people who might not play the piano. great job.

Thank you guys! (:
With that said, I am now moving on to my main essays. wahh. stay tuned !