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'I live in a quiet place in Brussels suburbs'; MIT Essay - Describe the world you come from



trodjo 1 / 1  
Dec 31, 2017   #1
Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

MIT Essay - Describe the world you come from



I live in a quiet place in Brussels suburbs. I know both the city's fervour and the rural quietness.
Through the day, I meet different cultures, I wake up in both eastern European countries culture and western European culture (my father being Romanian, and my mother being Belgian). At school, I'm immersed in a community atmosphere (I'm in a Jewish school). Being in a religious school since my young years made me think a lot about spirituality and pushed me to explore other religions and spiritualities. That offered me different ways to think.

Thanks to the different tennis clubs I belong to these last years, I've met a lot of people from varied social classes.
Living in a small country (Belgium) results in an influence of others bigger countries. The tv channels, for example, come from France. It's hard to find a nation's identity through these. The borders don't really exist. It encouraged me to constantly have an interest in other cultures, in other countries. And, by extension, in other people.

All of this bring me the ability to put myself in other people's skin and consider problems with different point of views. I became far less uncompromising over the years. I think I understand the reproaches from one community to another

Thank you for review !

Tuan Anh 10c 2 / 4  
Dec 31, 2017   #2
Hi,
In my opinion:
That offered me different ways to think.---> which offered me various ways to think.

the different tennis clubs ---> a variety of tennis clubs
I belong to---> I take part in
in other cultures, in other countries. ---> in other cultures as well as other countries.

different points of views

I also think that the tenses used in this essay are not logical so it is advisable that you should take notice of tenses when writing an essay.

Thanks for cooperation !
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15347  
Dec 31, 2017   #3
Alexandra, consider discussing only one topic in this essay as you are not supposed to discuss all of the examples that were provided in the prompt. You have to pick the environment that you feel most influenced the development of your personality or character traits. Among all of these activities that you presented, where you do you think you have spent the most time? Would you say that this is the place where your engagement with the people has helped you to achieve something, develop a particular aspect of your personality, of create an ideology for yourself that has become a beacon of guidance for you in life? These are some of the guide questions that you can use in further developing your new response to the essay as these are actually the data that the reviewer requires you to present in your response. I did not get to know anything beyond the superficial presentation of who you are in this current essay. I would like you to delve deeper into your background and methods of enjoyment for your response. Don't be afraid to let your guard down when you write the essay. Remember, this is your only chance to allow the reviewer to get to know you. So allow him to get to know you. You can select the information you wish to present, just make sure the presentation counts in developing your persona on paper.
OP trodjo 1 / 1  
Dec 31, 2017   #4
@Holt
Thank you very much, I changed to entire essay


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