What Matters To you and Why:
I've lived in the South for all of my life. I find it odd when guys don't have jacked-up trucks, Zaxby's chicken is 25% of my diet, and I bleed red and black for my Georgia Bulldawgs. Like any other teenager bound to a small town, leaving is all I look forward to. During the summer, my friends and I went up to Chicago for Lollapalooza. I was so excited to get away and experience the big city. That's when I realized my complete and unwavering love for the South. I found myself missing the pungent stench of chicken manure driving down highway 441 and that moment of pure road rage when the tractor in front is going 15 in a 45. I realized how much my beginnings and where I come from really mean to me. I, as well as my typical Asian parents, have high expectations for my future. Having a small town origin has even sometimes acted as a motivator for me to excel academically to break away from the small town stigma. However, the place where I came from, the people I've known for all my life, and the friends I've grown up with will forever be a part of my life. My roots matter to me because they remind me of who I really am and who I, no matter where I go and what I do, will always be.
Note to Future Roommate:
Dear Roomie, WE DID IT! We're in! I'm gonna go ahead and throw it out there, be super cliche and say the next 4 years are going to be some of the best of our lives. And you have the opportunity to start your journey with me. Congratulations, you lucky dog. Let me formally introduce myself. I'm Hannah Kim. Not Kim Hannah. Don't get that confused, my 10th math teacher still calls me Kim. I'm originally from South Korea and I moved to Texas when I was 5. I'm a walking contradiction (Starburst commercial reference); I'm the whitest Asian girl alive. Sure, rice is a staple food in my diet and my report card is like a Bible to me, but I've also lived in the South all my life (Southern Belle for life) and if you don't like the Georgia Bulldogs, fried chicken, and sweet tea, we're going to have major issues. Now, I may fool you, I may seem super awesome and all around perfect, but I, like all, have my flaws. I'm super messy sometimes and it's a proven fact I have the attention span of a goldfish (writing this letter is taking me forever, I keep getting on Pinterest and finding cute puppies). I can get moody and my sarcastic insults have been known to offend. Another thing I should warn you about it football. Mania doesn't even put a chip on the iceberg of my love, no my obsession. I'm going to apologize ahead of time for any future sports related screaming and yelling. All around, I'm fun friend, a great listener, an even better advice giver, an awesome cook (get ready for some home cooked meals), and I can't wait to get to know you better!
PS. You better love Harry Potter.
Intellectual Vitality:
"Jeez, have you always been this dumb?." As the new girl on her first day of middle school, these words cut, and they cut deep. Those awkward 3 years in which you have that odd sense of style and don't quite understand all your body parts that all normal human beings try fruitlessly to block from their memory, a.k.a. middle school, were bad enough. No, I had to begin them with those words, uttered by some girl in my math class I didn't even know. I'm not confirming or denying anything, but I may have run away to the girl's bathroom and cried my eyes out that day. It wasn't the bluntness nor her tone that got to me, it was the threat, my potential to be that stupid for the rest of my life. Looking back, it wasn't that harsh of an insult but for a preteen girl with an already dangerously low self esteem, it hit home. Later on that day, as I sniffled and cried myself dry into my mother's arms, I realized something. Her remark didn't have to shape my future. I used her words as a catalyst to excel. I let my haters be my motivators. I wanted her to eat her words and remorse the error of her ways. Yes, I am a drama queen; yes, she isn't the sole reason for the drive and self motivation I posses today. Yes, my experience of intellectual development wasn't an epiphany and profound moment of intellectual truth and self discovery. But I can honestly say her words have always been that fire behind my academic endeavors and achievements. They've always encouraged me to not only do, but do with excellence and have truly propelled me to be the student and person I am today.
***Any advice and suggestions? Please help! Thanks so much!
So are you from Texas or from the Deep South? And by Texas, do you mean Austin / Houston / Dallas? Because I wouldn't consider any of those to be "the South."
I loved your point about the walking contradiction (if you're from the Deep South -- there's plenty of Asians in Texas), but I don't think you need all of the parentheses explaining yourself. If the adcoms get the reference, they'll get it.
I like all your essays but on the what matters to you essay you need to include how where you came from affects you intellectual interests.
I LOVE how sarcastic you are in your roommate letter but in the "Now, I may fool you, I may seem super awesome and all around perfect, but I" part you did not include all of your good traits(obviously the best part)
Thanks for you corrections on my essay but canya look at my other stanford essays as i fix/edit them?
It's great that you put personality into your essays--I'm sure admissions will thank you for that. I would like to point out that there are some parts in the "Roommate Note" that strike me as awkward. This one sentence in particular:
Now, I may fool you, I may seem super awesome and all around perfect, but I, like all, have my flaws.
The flow of the sentence is being disrupted by unnecessary phrases. Perhaps you could reword it:
Now, my all around perfection and awesome personality may fool you, but I have flaws like everybody else.
Hope this helps and best of luck. :)
