Living in a box of crayons - UC PROMPT #1

Hi! thanks for reading this! I would really appreciate feedback for my essay, anything helps!

UC Prompt #1: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I must confess. my favorite hobby is drawing with crayons. I adore the fresh smell of the plastic fragrance and the wax like texture of the crayons. While drawing with crayons, I would just let the crayons run wild on blank pieces of paper. The wonderfully bright crayons glide over the paper exciting my imagination to create.

LACHSA is like a box of crayons. Each individual crayons is carefully selected by the manufacture and packaged in their own individual way. Because of this quality about LACHSA, it has made me more opened minded about the differences between people in our society.

Before I entered LACHSA, I have lived in an air tight bubble, one that is filled with homogenous human beings. My whole life, I have only been acquainted with people just like myself. I was always closed in, with family, friends, and neighbors all alike. I have never had any experience facing different people with different backgrounds coming from different communities. The day I stepped out onto LACHSA was the day that I realized that I'm not always going to be shield in that bubble.

As I entered LACHSA, the first thing that I noticed was, of course, the diversity. Everyone was so different and foreign. At first, it was difficult for me to adjust to this new environment. I did not know how to make friends or even talk to them. I was scared that I would not fit into that crowd. However, as time passed by, I realized that no one is trying to fit. Everyone at this school focuses all their energy on doing at they love. That is the reason why they are at this school in the first place. They are trying just hard not because their parents force them, but because their incentive is their own will. I, too, is here for that very reason. For that, I'm already part of the crowd.

LACHSA has opened my scope of knowledge. Being at a high school like LACHSA has matured me but at the time gave me back that childhood innocent and bewilderment. I've learned to look at art differently, not looking just at the subject, but looking for the objective of the artists. This is also an aspect that was shown through the people. Since everyone was so different in areas such as wealth, race and location, it would be easy to assume that people of the same background would be friends. However, that is not the case. At LACHSA, everybody was friends with everybody else, and everyone was treated as equal. It showed me that diversity is a beautiful thing. I have learned so much about different cultures and different ways of life. Being able to learn the differences made me see me differently. LACHSA defies all the stereotypical nature about a high school, and that matured me.

Because of their passion for art, they can blend into one during a performance, but they stand out as individual. Just like crayons, they are all their separate individual colors; however, if you put them together you can produce a wonder art work. I came to LACHSA empty handed, however I am able to leave here with a personality. I found who I was and wanted to be at LACHSA. While getting to know my peers, I was able to learn so much about myself.

So, I'm having a lot of trouble with showing the readers a picture, I've done a lot of telling, and I think that's my problem. but I have no idea how to show them.

I've trying to get across the point that being at this new high school matured me, it made me tolerant of difference and fall in love with diversity. It has made me unique and showed me who I am.

Thanks again for reading this!

What is LACHSA? You never said. That would help. Also, try not to repeat words. You said crayon like 87 times in the first two sentences. I don't know if it's a stylistic thing, but it reads awkwardly. Try reading it aloud and in great detail. There are a few grammatical hiccups that you'll catch that way, i.e. innocent-innocence, capitalization, etc. But your story is good. Maybe just describe what LACHSA is.

Thanks for reading my essay. I have revised it! here's the revision!

I must confess. my favorite hobby is drawing with crayons. I adore the fresh smell of the plastic fragrance and the wax like texture of this candle like stick. Sometimes, I would just let the crayons run wild on blank pieces of paper, and that wonderfully bright colors gliding over the paper excite my imagination to create.

Los Angeles County High School for the Arts, LACHSA, is like a box of crayons. Each individual crayon is carefully selected by the manufacture and packaged in his or her own individual way. Because of this quality about LACHSA, it has made me more opened minded about the differences between people in our society.

Before I entered LACHSA, I have lived in an air tight bubble, one that is filled with homogenous human beings. My whole life, I have only been acquainted with people just like myself. I was always closed in, with family, friends, and neighbors all alike. I have never had any experience facing different people coming from different backgrounds. The day I stepped into LACHSA was the day that I realized I'm not always going to be shield in that bubble.

As I entered LACHSA, the first thing that I noticed was the diversity. Everyone was so different and foreign. At first, it was difficult for me to adjust to this new environment. I did not even know how to talk to my peers, and I was so scared that I would not fit into this crowd. As time passed by, I realized that no one is trying to fit. Everyone at this school focuses all their energy on doing at they love. That is the reason why they are at this school in the first place. I, too, am here for that very reason, just to create art. For that, I'm already part of the crowd.

LACHSA has widened my scope of knowledge. Being at this high school matured me but at the time given me back that childhood innocence and bewilderment. I've learned to look at art differently, not looking just at the subject, but looking for the objective of the artists, finding out what the meaning and purpose behind each work of art. This is also an aspect that was shown through the people. Since everyone is so different in areas such as wealth, race and background, it would be easy to assume that people of the same background would be friends. However, that is not the case. At LACHSA, everybody is friends with everybody else, and treated as equal. I have learned so much about different cultures and different ways of life. It showed me that diversity is a beautiful thing.

Just like crayons, each person at this school can stand alone as an individual; however, if you put them together they can produce a wonderful piece of art. I came to LACHSA empty handed, but now I can leave here with a personality. I found who I am and want to be: an artist.

i think the analogy is great, it gives a little picture that everyone can relate to. read it over out loud and have others read out loud to make sure the flow is rright thats what i do

alright! thank you for reading my essay! :)