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"How living in diverse cultures shaped my personality" - UBC Personal Profile Essay

itsavi2208 1 / -  
Jan 12, 2019   #1
Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)

i am proud of my qualities

Throughout my childhood and teenage, I have lived in various cities across India. Because of this, I have experienced many different cultures, languages and ways of life. My exposure to them has built and developed my character, morals, ethics and molded my attitude towards life and people, and my aspirations. Initially I used to be apprehensive about moving to a new city in my childhood, and ended up being extremely shy and restrained. However, overtime I became more adapting and always got excited about new opportunities and lifestyles that I would get to experience every time I move to a different part of the country.

My parents have always found me to be open to change and quick to settle in the new environment every time we moved, without losing continuity of focus on my goals and interests. They would vouch for my ability to adhere to family values. My friends consider me to be receptive, pleasant and competitive, and peers from different backgrounds find me easily relatable and empathetic. I believe my neighborhood views me as a constructive member of the community as i actively take part in various events, even pertaining to differing faiths.

My upbringing in varied geographies and cultures in the country makes me very flexible, accepting and completely non-discriminatory. I am very proud of these qualities in me.
linhnguyen2002 2 / 4  
Jan 13, 2019   #2
Your writing is very good!!
But I just want to recommend something to be altered:
- Throughout my childhood and teenage early years;
- Because of this -> Therefore
Do you agree with my recommendation?
The rest of this essay really impresses me with your wide range of vocabulary as well as the content.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,846 4177  
Jan 13, 2019   #3
Avi, you need to develop the explanations regarding how your parents, friends, neighborhood view you are a person. Try to provide at least one paragraph of 5 sentences to explain the trait that they use to describe you. That way you have a better developed presentation and explanation for the reviewer to consider. Right now, the single sentence references don't really help to explain the basis or content of the description. The essay is not moved forward nor properly informative based on that part of the content. The reviewer can't really use this data to get to know you.

As for the one thing you are proud of, it is simple enough to create an impressive idea regarding who you are and how you adapt to different situations or adjust to various personalities and environments around you. That is exactly the kind of information that the reviewer will appreciate reading about because it gives him an idea of how you might be able to successfully merge yourself with the existing student community of the university.
StevenSameh1512 8 / 21  
Jan 14, 2019   #4
You have some grammatical mistakes you must focus on to avoid it next time.
different cultures, languages, and ways of
Initially, I used to be
in my childhood, and ended: remove the comma
However, over time I became
as I actively take part: It must be "I" capitalized.
Overall, you have good grammar just focus on the uses of the comma to enhance your essay and writing.

I think also that if you chose a parent or family or even member of the community to let him describe you properly, this will be better than what you did in your essay. I recommend to choose parents and talk with them to release the picturesque characters in yourself and give a speech about. This way your essay will improve significantly and will be more impressive than that. To end up, your essay has a good vocabulary and no misuse from my point of view. You just focus on what I told you, I think it will be a great enhancement.
Mariakono - / 1  
Jan 16, 2019   #5
You forgot to answer "Tell me about yourself that you are most proud of and why" . I think you should describe in the sense of what you have overcome and how.

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