"living together is an art" - Colorado University admission essay cumpulsory

hulllo
my name is ali and i m applying to CU at boulder .i have written their essay and it would be so kind of you guys to rpoof read it for me and let me know about any room for correctoins or additional information.

thanks
here is the question and beneath it the answer.also the answer is restricted to 500 words

The University of Colorado at Boulder's Flagship 2030 strategic plan promotes exceptional teaching, research, scholarship, creative works, and service distinguishing us as a premier university. We strive to foster a diverse and inclusive community for all that engages each member in opportunities for academic excellence, leadership, and a deeper understanding of the world in which we live.

Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community and what are your hopes for your college experience?

William Pickens' "living together is an art" perfectly mirrors my way of living and thinking, irrespective of a community's race, status and color, plus I crave for a change, and living within a multicultural community will be a lifetime experience thus making Colorado University the best choice for me.

First of all CU's assorted community really ...

thats it folks

as previously asked would the racial arrogance point will create a problem with my essay or what???
also please tell me will i be able to gain admission in the university in the Colorado University with this essay?????

also CU has a second question
please proof read it for me please
i am exteremly grateful for your kind act

# In brief discuss how your family, school, neighborhood, and background have impacted your educational goals and aspirations.

Belonging to Pakistan, one's life isn't very easy, which directly points at my hardworking parents. Since we are 6 family members and usually have a tight income, it's not so easy to make both ends meet. My dad has always told us how education can lead one to a happy and successful life, and how stale life is without achieving your goal. I, being the eldest among the siblings, am the core of responsibilities and have to look after the family doing their jobs picking and dropping them at their schools and universities and doing the homely chores. It's a hard daily routine but it's a strive to achieve a dream. Being in a state of terrorism it's not very safe going out or living lively and it impacted a lot on my education as the colleges and universities were shut down for about a month due to the terrorist threats. I belong to a family background where everyone supports me for achieving the most in my education and they try to help me in every way possible to accomplish my goal.

Seeing my dad and mum work and take care of me and my family I'm easily compelled to make them proud by studying at CU and being known as one of the brightest students.

This is a boost to my passion when I think how happy and proud my family would be graduating from such a renowned and top ranking University.

Hello, I think we may have accidentally deleted your first essay, because we may have thought this second essay was a revissed version of the first. Please feel free to start a NEW THREAD with that first essay.

For this one...

Belonging to Pakistan, one's life isn't very easy, and this is particularly true of my hardworking parents.

This is a boost to my passion when I think how happy and proud my family would be, as they see me graduating from such a renowned and top-ranking University. ---> this is a very nice style of writing!

hullo every body
i wrote up this essay for IIT
please if anybody can help me on this essay

also it would be really appreciatalbe if somebody helps me on editing the first paragraph
its way too vague as i consider it to be..

I don't understand how the "good guy, bad guy" relates to IIT;

The good guy is the creation of positive school of thought and vice versa for the bad guy. This was just an example of how IIT since its creation is producing positive contributors to the world as,...

Personally My goal isdirected to make this world a better place to live, by introducing environmentally friendly technology.

The way I see it is that technology is a never ending.

With the institute's competitive atmosphere, hardworking students, and strong programs in Electrical, Mechanical, Civil, Biomedical and Aerospace engineering, it will allow me...

Um.. I don't think it's really convincing that you said "cartoon created the good and the bad guy part." i mean, they have always existed. Also, I think you could develop details..