The University of Colorado at Boulder's Flagship 2030 strategic plan promotes exceptional teaching, research, scholarship, creative works, and service distinguishing us as a premier university. We strive to foster a diverse and inclusive community for all that engages each member in opportunities for academic excellence, leadership, and a deeper understanding of the world in which we live. Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community and what are your hopes for your college experience? 500 words maximum (I'm at 474)
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"Wake up, son; daddy's brought you a present." Those were the words that my mom whispered to my ear as I was drowsily trying to get up. Rubbing my eyes, I immediately noticed my father unpacking a rather huge box and thought to myself, "What kind of a present could it possibly be?". What came out of the box left me awe-struck. It was a computer - a miraculous device that I had never previously seen or used. It piqued my interest straight away, so I went on to urge my father to connect the peripherals and plug it in as fast as he could. Once he turned on the device, I felt as if I had been submerged into an entirely new world - and indeed it was so.
I was merely ten years old when all this occurred, so the computer has played a vital role in my development as a person. It turned out that I had a precocious talent for computing, which helped me grasp the basic concepts quickly and proceed to delve into the more advanced ones. By doing so, I was able to keep my ever-growing appetite for knowledge satiated and excel as a student during both elementary and high school. Furthermore, due to computing's intrinsic connection to mathematics, I soon developed a 'passion for numbers,' which has helped me progress academically in a quite eclectic manner.
It is a well-known fact that the world of computing would not be nearly as intriguing had it not been for the phenomenon known as the Internet. Confucius once said, "How happy we are to have friends from afar," and that is exactly where the Internet has come into play. I have spent my entire life in the minuscule town of Delchevo; a town whose citizens are bound by tradition and fettered by culture. In a society where diversity is practically nonexistent, embracing other cultures as if they were your own is deemed iconoclastic and unorthodox, yet, I dared do it. By meeting people from other countries and becoming acquainted with their cultures while still valuing my own, I've managed to create an amalgamate of both the traditional and the cosmopolitan - and that is something I take great pride in.
By pursuing a career in computer science at the University of Colorado Boulder, I will strive to take advantage of all the opportunities that would otherwise be unavailable to me. That includes great possibilities for learning and improvement, extracurricular activities and voluntary work. Moreover, the sole chance of living in a diversified environment and meeting hundreds of new people would mean the world to me, as that is where the whole beauty of life is contained. I only hope to bring along my unique values as well as my aspirations to conquer the unknown and expand my horizons even further.
"Wake up, son; daddy's brought you a present." Those were the words that my mom whispered to my ear as I was drowsily trying to get up*tried to get up* . Rubbing my eyes, I immediately noticed my father unpacking a rather *more specific descriptive language, maybe enormous?* huge box and thought to myself, "What kind of a present could it possibly be?". What came out of the box left me awe-struck*move this to after the reveal so as not to give it away, take the reader on your same emotional journey* . It was a computer - a miraculous device that I had never previously seen or used. It piqued my interest straight away, so I went on to *just say urged or be more descriptive, say begged or pleaded, use powerful verbs instead of adjectives* urge my father to connect the peripherals and plug it in as fast as he could. Once he turned on the device, I felt as if I had been submerged into an entirely new world - and indeed it was so* unnecessary, the previous clause states that* .
I was merely ten years old when all this occurred, so the computer has played a vital role in my development as a person. It turned out that I had a precocious talent for computing *be more specific, programming, web design?* , which helped me grasp the basic concepts quickly and proceed to delve into the more advanced ones. By*In doing so is the proper idiom* doing so, I was able to keep my ever-growing appetite for knowledge satiated and excel as a student during both elementary and high school*how about "throughout elementary school into high school"* . Furthermore, due to computing's intrinsic connection to mathematics, I soon developed a 'passion for numbers,'no quotes necessary, own it because the essay is about you...* which has helped me progress academically in a quite eclectic manner.
It is a well-known fact that the world of computing would not be nearly as intriguing had it not been for the phenomenon known as the Internet. Confucius once said, "How happy we are to have friends from afar," and that is exactly where the Internet has come into play. I have spent my entire life in the minuscule town of Delchevospecify country to give you further context ; a town whose citizens are bound by tradition and fettered by culture. In a society where diversity is practically nonexistent, embracing other cultures as if they were your own is deemedunnecessary, it is implicit in your writing, which is good thing iconoclastic and unorthodox, yet, I dared *to* do it. By meeting people from other countries and becoming acquainted with their cultures while still valuing my own, I'vedo not use contractions in a supplement managed to create an amalgamate of both the traditional and the cosmopolitan - and that is something I take great pride in.
By pursuing a career in computer science at the University of Colorado Boulder, I will strive to take advantage of all the opportunities that would otherwise be unavailable to me. That includes great possibilities for learning and improvement, extracurricular activities and voluntary*volunteer work or volunteering* work. Moreover, the sole chance of living in a diversified environment and meeting hundreds of new people would mean the world to me, as that is where the whole beauty of life is contained. I only hope to bring along my unique values as well as my aspirations to conquer the unknown and expand my horizons even further. overall a good and meaningful essay that highlights your talents, good luck!
overall a good and meaningful essay that highlights your talents, good luck!
I agree 100% with bzn456 on the changes he/she made. I really liked the essay you wrote. Very easy to read, good hook/intro, the only thing I would say is be a bit more specific when you mention the U. Colorado. A specific program, or something about their program and/or their university that is different than the others. It doesn't have to go into detail, just maybe a phrase in the last paragraph. Right now, it sounds a bit generic. But other than that, good job!
@bzn456 and @d125q Could you help me with my CommonApp essay titled 'The Perks of Being Tenacious.' I need to find a better name for it, and if you have any other suggestions I'd appreciate it! PLEASE let me know!
