ok heres the topic...
Essay C topic- "Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment."
I dont really feel I did that great on this essay so please be brutally honest! Im not really sure if this is good enough for an acceptance essay (im applying to texas a&M) please just revise in any way necessary!
thank you!
my essay...
Everyone has to go through it, it all depends on when. The first time I lost someone I was six years old, then eight, followed by thirteen, and the hardest of all when I was sixteen. It is ironic how someone can lose another person forever and all it could take is a second. A person could go crazy just thinking about that second.
Nicole and I met in eighth grade when we played against each other during districts. After making it onto the varsity team my freshman year of high school I was glad to find out that she had made it on varsity too. Being the only freshman, and being a little scared of the upper classmen, we stuck together. We became close friends as the years went on, I was only comfortable venting to her after practice about teammates or about our coach because I could trust her. We were close with our team but when it came time to pairing up for practice it was always Nicole and I. Our scores were always neck and neck and that gave us a healthy competition. We were always proud of each other after a tournament and never had any bad competitive vibes. There was never any jealousy between us, we truly only wanted the best for one another.
We were in our junior year of high school when I had to face the toughest challenge of my life. We had golf practice at Pine Forest that day and our coach was working with us on the range to help prepare us for our upcoming tournament. Everyone was in an exceptionally lighthearted mood, considering the freezing November weather. Nicole was there keeping our spirits up by making jokes whenever an opportunity came. Our coach was feeling considerate so he let us go a little early for a change. At the stop light coming home I waved goodbye to Nicole, she gave me a big smile and waved back before she took a right onto the highway. Almost three minutes later, she drove under the freeway, ran the light, and was hit by a mail carrier vehicle. No one knows what she was doing at the time, maybe she did not see the light, or perhaps she was changing her music. They life lighted her to the nearest hospital and from there only time could tell. The next day at school, I did not know what to believe. Everyone began to spread rumors of her condition. I had anticipated seventh period all day, knowing that our coach would know the truth of how she was doing. However, it was far worse than I had let myself believe. Our coach told us that earlier that day at around noon Nicole had passed away. It only took a second for the news to hit me and I began sobbing on one of my teammates shoulder. I never thought that it would become this serious, I suppose I built up a wall inside me thinking that she would be back in no time and ready to play in our next tournament. After talking with her parents, I found out that when she was hit she became instantly brain dead and at the hospital there was nothing they could do but wait. It took me awhile to realize that I would no longer be able to walk down the fairway with her anymore. For a while, I began thinking about quitting the team, I did not have the drive to keep going anymore. Though after giving it some thought I decided that I would finish out the year, I did not think it would be fair to my coach nor to my teammates if I were to quit on them after already losing a teammate. It took all my strength to continue going to practice and to even joke around with my other teammates. I felt so lonely without her there beside me and all the sympathy from my other teammates would just make it worse. However, as the months went by I learned to accept that she was gone and struggled to learn to live without her. Nicole was always so full of life and spirit; she never dwelled on the bad things. She knew exactly what to say to make our coach smile when he was angry with us, and she knew how to make me feel better when I had a bad round. She was loved by so many because she had the ability to make friends wherever she went. One of her dreams was to go to A&M, and she had everything it took to be an aggie.
I try to tell myself it all happened for a reason but I cannot think of a single reason as to why this would happen to such a loving girl like Nicole. Overcoming this obstacle was more than I thought I would be able to handle. I struggled with my faith, with my team, and with myself. Knowing that I can overcome such a challenge has helped me see what I am capable of accomplishing. I have become stronger now to take on my next obstacle.
This is an amazing essay. Even though I have never met her, I can "see" Nicole. You have done a beautiful job of remembering her. Your reference to her wanting to be an Aggie is very appropriate in your essay, and you relate how you dealt with this challenge very well to the requirements of the assignment. I think you've done a great job.
