Prompt (2 to 4 pages double-spaced):
Essay that includes these elements:
Academic Elements (required)
* Academic History
* Your Major and/or Career Goals
* Are you prepared to enter your intended major at this time?
* How will the UW help you attain your academic, career, and/or personal goals?
Personal Elements (required)
* Cultural Understanding
* Educational Challenges / Personal Hardships (if applicable)
* Experiential Learning (if applicable)
Please critique and comment. I'm not a good writer, so please help me with grammar.
In the past, our family did not have a place where we can call home because we were always on the move. Even though we struggled through poverty and hardship, we still stick together and keep moving forward. We believe that family is the backbone of our Vietnamese culture. Each member of the family had a specific role to maintain. My father's role was to provide the finances and leadership. My mother's role was to provide support and keep the house in order. As the oldest son of the family, I have acquired a lot of responsibilities as well. I have to be a role model to my younger siblings and take the role of my father when he is not around. This has challenged me to become more aware of my family and their needs for love, support, and finances. I have learned that one person alone cannot maintain the family and it requires everyone's attention and efforts.
In the Vietnamese culture, education is greatly valued. We believe that people who are educated are highly respected and have more opportunity in the society. Unfortunately, due to my parent's poverty and unfortunate childhood circumstances, they were not given the opportunity to have an education. This makes me realize the value of education and how sometimes people take it for granted when many parts of the world do not have such luxury. My parent's dreams to have an education have been passed down to me and I am proud to be the first person in my family to have a high school diploma. With my mother's support and encouragement, I want to become the first in my family to complete college and earn a bachelor's degree.
The first year at Highline Community College was very difficult for me due to my nine months break in between my education. I managed to earn above a 2.0 grade point average, but it has left a negative impact on my academic progress and on myself personally. I did not want the past to get the best of me so I decided to step it up. When the second year came, I challenged and disciplined myself to work harder toward my education. As a result of my hard work and determination, I have successfully earned a 3.8 grade point average and received the High Scholastic Achievement four quarters in a row. I have discovered that falling down is not the end, but an opportunity to try again.
January of 2008, The Lord spoke to me through my friend Eric. He told me his story of how he gave up on his radiology degree and pursued visual communication because it is his calling. My friend inspired me to follow my interest and took up a few courses on visual communication. At the same time, I participated in the design ministry for my church, called iDesign. God had opened many doors for me and allowed me to explore my creativity. Through working on many projects I discovered my passion for design. I knew this is my calling because there is a fire inside of me that lit up every time I put my hand on the mouse and created something. There is so much more to learn, and I believe that University of Washington is the place where it can fulfill that need.
The University of Washington is a school of diversity and academic excellence. The Visual Communication Design program at University of Washington is recognized for its success in both national and international student design awards. Their program has also been feature in several international design journals. I strongly believe University of Washington will equip me with knowledge and skills to tackle the competitive world of graphic design. My goal is to developed strategies and visual solution to everyday problems. In order to reach my goal I must take the first step, which is to study at University of Washington.
My Vietnamese culture and family upbringing shaped who I am today. My family's value on education has driven me to pursue my dreams and become a productive member of the society. Through my mother's encouragement and support I am able to make it to college. My years attending Highline Community College have changed me from a lay back ignorant youth to a mature dedicated adult. My dedication extends toward other aspects of my life and my faith in God has driven me to pursue a career in visual communication. I believe that my path to success and my dream career starts at the University of Washington.
" . . . we still stuck together and kept moving forward." Maintain tense consistency.
"My parent's dreams of having an education . . ."
"I decided to step it up." This is a bit informal, given the tone of the rest of the essay.
Overall, I'd say you should probably go into a bit more detail about why exactly you want to study visual design. At the moment, the essay isn't that personal or specific, except at the beginning. In fact, if you took out the word "Vietnamese" and the references to the Lord, you'd have a fairly generic essay that just about any student could have written. However, you want to stand out, so, you need to talk about how important visual design is to you personally, preferably employing specific anecdotes to prove your point.
Hi gooki,
There are a few things you could probably do away with to make room for more writing about why exactly you chose visual design.
Some of the first paragraph where you explain the roles of your individual family members can be shortened as it does not neccesarily pertain to how and why you chose to study your chosen field. Try to limit your personal history somewhat to events that are more focused towards what you want to achieve in school today.
I would suggest to go through your essay sentence by sentence with a fine tooth comb and make sure that every sentence addresses at least one of the elements that are required by the prompt.
Good luck!
thanks sean and tyler for your input. it was greatly appreciated :)
My friend inspired me to follow my interest by taking up a few courses on visual communication.
Hey, you did answer each part of the question very well... good job!
strongly believe University of Washington will equip me with knowledge and skills to tackle the competitive world of graphic design.Can you tell the reader specific resources or strengths of this school that make it perfect for your goals?
It would be good if you started this essay with a meaningful, attention-grabbing paragraph that tells the most important truth in the essay.
