I need some suggestions on how I can improve my college essay, thank you so much!
Prompt:
Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
Essay:
When writing a college essay, they tell you to avoid cliche topics; to come up with something unique. Losing a loved one doesn't make for the most original topic. However, I decided to disregard that fact. As I am urged to discuss an event that has marked my transition from childhood to adulthood, how could I possibly refrain from writing about my father's death?
My death of my father was completely unexpected. I remember when it was first announced to me and the rest of my family. I could not believe it. I waited to hear everyone's laughter, praying that it was just a horrible joke. I could not fathom how someone so significant in my life, whom I saw every day for twelve years could just disappear in an instant. Overtime, the reality had started to set in and I eventually came to terms with my dad's passing. I never understood what the phrase "time heals" meant until now.
Growing up with the lack of fatherly guidance has given me a forced independence and inner strength. For the first time, I needed to learn to cope with grief and to take the responsibility of being comfortable with my own feelings. I began to notice a difference between "normal" student and myself. I could see a divide between the way they reacted to certain situations in comparison to me, to which I realized that I had acquired a sense of perspective and understanding of reality that my peers had yet to achieve. Upon seeing my friends break out in cold sweats over receiving an A- on a test or when they get into meaningless arguments with other students, I strive to help them understand that these trivial problems are not worth agonizing over. Having dealt with heartache and grief, I have gained a sense of strength, wisdom, and maturity; I am able to differentiate what is important and what is not worth stressing over. Additionally, I have learned that death is an inevitable part of life. It is crucial that I make the most of my life, from the relationships I build to achieving my dreams and aspirations.
I may have lost my father, but I have gained so much from my experience and I do not wish my life would have turned out any different. Six years later, I am now 18 years old and still have my silly moments; I have a great chimpanzee impersonation, I laugh at my own jokes, and may or may not still be afraid of the dark, but when it comes to matters of greater importance, I try my best to demonstrate maturity and wisdom. I have a greater appreciation for our existence and have learned not to take the people you have in your life for granted, because you never know if you will ever see them again. My goal in writing about losing my father is not to create sympathy or pull at the heartstrings of college admission committees. I am applying my dad as an extension of myself and for others to understand why my experience has shaped me into who I am today. There is not a day that goes by when I don't think of him, as I implement his advice into my everyday actions. "Always look people in their eyes when you speak to them," he told me. My father was the most respectful, generous, and knowledgable person I have ever known and his qualities have translated onto me, as I incorporate them into my everyday life. As much as I aspire to be just like my father, I can only hope that I will be able to emulate him with integrity. I accredit all that I am to my him and on account to his death, I have transitioned into the realm of adulthood.
Prompt:
Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
Essay:
When writing a college essay, they tell you to avoid cliche topics; to come up with something unique. Losing a loved one doesn't make for the most original topic. However, I decided to disregard that fact. As I am urged to discuss an event that has marked my transition from childhood to adulthood, how could I possibly refrain from writing about my father's death?
My death of my father was completely unexpected. I remember when it was first announced to me and the rest of my family. I could not believe it. I waited to hear everyone's laughter, praying that it was just a horrible joke. I could not fathom how someone so significant in my life, whom I saw every day for twelve years could just disappear in an instant. Overtime, the reality had started to set in and I eventually came to terms with my dad's passing. I never understood what the phrase "time heals" meant until now.
Growing up with the lack of fatherly guidance has given me a forced independence and inner strength. For the first time, I needed to learn to cope with grief and to take the responsibility of being comfortable with my own feelings. I began to notice a difference between "normal" student and myself. I could see a divide between the way they reacted to certain situations in comparison to me, to which I realized that I had acquired a sense of perspective and understanding of reality that my peers had yet to achieve. Upon seeing my friends break out in cold sweats over receiving an A- on a test or when they get into meaningless arguments with other students, I strive to help them understand that these trivial problems are not worth agonizing over. Having dealt with heartache and grief, I have gained a sense of strength, wisdom, and maturity; I am able to differentiate what is important and what is not worth stressing over. Additionally, I have learned that death is an inevitable part of life. It is crucial that I make the most of my life, from the relationships I build to achieving my dreams and aspirations.
I may have lost my father, but I have gained so much from my experience and I do not wish my life would have turned out any different. Six years later, I am now 18 years old and still have my silly moments; I have a great chimpanzee impersonation, I laugh at my own jokes, and may or may not still be afraid of the dark, but when it comes to matters of greater importance, I try my best to demonstrate maturity and wisdom. I have a greater appreciation for our existence and have learned not to take the people you have in your life for granted, because you never know if you will ever see them again. My goal in writing about losing my father is not to create sympathy or pull at the heartstrings of college admission committees. I am applying my dad as an extension of myself and for others to understand why my experience has shaped me into who I am today. There is not a day that goes by when I don't think of him, as I implement his advice into my everyday actions. "Always look people in their eyes when you speak to them," he told me. My father was the most respectful, generous, and knowledgable person I have ever known and his qualities have translated onto me, as I incorporate them into my everyday life. As much as I aspire to be just like my father, I can only hope that I will be able to emulate him with integrity. I accredit all that I am to my him and on account to his death, I have transitioned into the realm of adulthood.
