This is my short answer about playing the piano.
It's 245 words now (!!) but I can't make it shorter, 150 words!!!!
Where should I cut ?
I really appreciate any comments or suggestions! Thank you so much!
I love playing the piano. There is always silent and peaceful moment, a concealed passion before I play it alone in my dimly lit room. I sit on the edge of my old chair, close my eyes and smell the night air. I put my fingers on the keys and feel their cold and smooth touch like marble. My energy, which is normally hiding deep in my heart, gradually spills out and travels excitedly to the tips of my fingers. I love listening to the echo of simple chords filling my small room. I feel my heart fills with joy and sadness with the movement of the melodies.These times are some of the precious moments in my life. It allows me to imagine anything --- I can see the tears on the cheek of beautiful swan, or I can even become a part of the harsh mountain winds --- in other words, it enables me to make my own world. It puts me back to a blank slate. The moment I put all my energy to play a tune is the only time when I feel my heart is completely released from struggle. Nothing else can make me so honest, as I can calmly and objectively see what is happening in my mind just by playing a simple song. It is for these feelings; those that always cheer me up and give me energy to live even in tough times that I love playing my piano.
Wow, that sounds like my piano essay from way back. Somehow, pianists think alike:similar transitions and thats how I feel too. Maybe my parents wwere right about changing it a little a bit. I need to know the question before critiquing this.
I think you should remove the first sentence " I love playing the piano" to me it would make it sound a bit more mature.
I feel my heart filling with joy or sadness with the movement of the melodies.
Other than that you worded your essay very intelligently.!
I am going to focus on making the essay shorter... so
First, you should combine the third and fourth sentence to make it shorter.
Also, you might have to erase "These times are some of the precious moments in my life" sentence.
Maybe cut "The moment I put all my energy to play a tune is the only time when I feel my heart is completely released from struggle." sentence and "I love listening to the echo of simple chords filling my small room. I feel my heart fills with joy and sadness with the movement of the melodies." or only choose to keep one of them
Also you don't have time to write "in other words, it enables me to make my own world"
This way you will make the essay to around 180..
Don't change anything in the last sentence I think it is perfect to end the essay
I really like how you described your passion of playing the piano and how happy it makes you.
Thanks for your help!!!
you helped me lot! I really appreciate :)
let me help your essay when you post your essay!!
thx again*^^*
thank you everybody !!
I just finished my common app, I send my essay successfully :)
Thanks so much !!!!
I wanna help you in return in winter break !
good luck for everyone :) :)
This essay is GREAT! I know how difficult it is to get an activities essay down to 150 I had the same problems. Love the revised version!
