I am in great need of opinions and critiques on my Duke supplemental essay. Help will be much appreciated :)
I can recall being in the seventh grade, with college being one of the last things on my mind. That was the year I was contacted by the Duke TIP program, and asked to take the SAT. At this point in my life, I had never heard of Duke University, or any other colleges that were not directly related to my parent's favorite sports teams. Evidently, I had done pretty well on the SAT and was accepted into the program, making seventh-grade me incredibly excited. This is when I decided I wanted to learn more about Duke. After browsing through pictures of Duke on the internet, I was blown away by its gothic architecture and surrounding natural beauty. From that moment, I knew Duke was where I wanted to go, and at that young age I was not even remotely aware of Duke's outstanding academics, athletics, and school spirit.
As I approached my later years in high school, college began to become more and more of a real thing to me. Remembering my earlier experiences with the school, I researched Duke extensively and fell in love, the most attractive aspect being its research facilities. I plan on focusing my college career doing scientific research in the fields of biology and chemistry, and then attending graduate school for Biochemistry. For these reasons, it is beyond appealing to me that Duke makes so many research facilities, and even a campus Medical Center, available to their students. Duke's student body is also very attractive to me. I have always been dedicated to my work, and at times competitive, but I am not a cut-throat type of student. I am a master at balancing work and play, so I need to be in an environment with friendly and diverse students that can get down to business, but still be fun and have school spirit. This is exactly what I have heard about the students that attend Duke, compared to other colleges of a similar caliber. I would be so honored to be working hard at my studies one moment, and then be cheering for the Duke Blue Devils the next, face painted and all.
You seem really pretentious when you state, "I have always been dedicated to my work, or I am a master at balancing work and play", they already know you are dedicated and hard working. Just emphasize the environment of the college and WHY it attract you and how it satisfies YOUR goals.
