"to major in the Medical field" - Application essay (the Ohio State)

This is an essay for The Ohio State University's application. The question was "Why are you interested in Ohio State?" The maximum of words was 300. This is at 290.

I'm interested in attending The Ohio State University for numerous reasons. I believe the university fits my personality and will allow me to become an independent, well-rounded individual with its diversity. I'm an engaged leader who is committed to community participation for social action and change and believe The Ohio State University will enable me to reach my fullest potential.

The Columbus campus is close to my hometown, so I can visit my family frequently, yet far enough away that I can grow and find myself. I feel comfortable and safe on the clean campus even with its large size. The small class ratios are an appeal because I believe strong connections with my professors will help me gain the best education possible. The City of Columbus, only a few miles down the road, provides multiple job and field experience opportunities. I respect the selective admissions process because it eliminates the less motivated, so the other students can work together efficiently and effectively.

I intend to major in the Medical field, but haven't decided an exact one to declare. The wide selection of majors makes me feel confident that I will be able to make an educated decision after exploring all of my options. I'm interested in the human body and how it functions. I know there are many careers in this area of interest, so I would like to experience some of them before I make my decision. The university has received numerous high rankings for its education and facilities, many within their medical program. This reassures me that I ,along with my fellow classmates, will be receiving cutting edge education and will be apart of major research projects that will start us on our ways to success.

This essay is ok... However, I feel that it needs a little more substance. Instead of naming many reasons why you want to join, I think its better to just name a few and fully elaborate on them. Here, you say that this college will make you more individual, make you a leader, fit your personality. You also say that this college is close to your home, but far enough away, and that it is famous for its medical programs. You have so many reasons that you don't have enough room to develop them. Instead, you should pick a few and expound them. You say that you are a leader. How are you a leader? What do you do that makes you a leader? How do you act that shows that you are a leader? How will this college make you a better leader? You say that it fits your personality... But what is your personality? How does it fit? How will this make you a better, independent, and well-rounded individual? Keep these questions in mind when writing these essays. :] Overall, its a nice try though. Don't be discouraged.

This kind of sentence is never good. Don't waste any time acknowledging stuff they say on their website. Talk about YOUR specific plans and ideas.

I know there are many careers in this area of interest, so I would like to experience some of them before I make my decision. ----- this is very good!

I'm interested in the human body and how it functions.----- This is a little too obvious, because you are entering the field of medicine.

I believe the university fits my personality and will allow me to become an independent, well-rounded individual with its diversity. ---- Unless you explain how it fits your pers. or will enable you to be independent, this is meaningless.

Large campus, small class size, diversity... these are all cliches. Talk about articles you have read, medical procedures that interest you, and what kind of WORK you actually want to be DOING every day after you graduate.

:-)